Another Play, Anxiety Over Surgery and I Got My Psychology Degree

Well, there are some interesting things I want to talk about in this segment. First of all, I was proud of myself today for pushing through a "tired" spell for some reason today. And after messaging back and forth with one of my absolute dearest friends, Jamie Jacobson, she told me I was "off the hook" if I just couldn't make it tonight to the play again. Oh yeah, forgot to tell you that she invited me to a second play tonight over at the Elgin Opera House. So, I told her if I couldn't get myself together, I would cancel, but otherwise continue to count me in. Well, I held up on my end of the bargain and went through with it. She also had a friend, Renee, who was going to meet us and possibly go with us to the play as well. I did not know Renee so immediately I begin to tense up, get anxiety over meeting a new person. But as soon as I met Renee, she made me feel completely at ease and we hit it off. I hope that her and I can get to know each other better and develop a great new friendship, especially because I am losing two of my dearest friends here at the end of the month.

Thirdly, I went to another play! Can you believe I am going to these kinds of things that can only bring about depressive feelings about my future since what I am seeing is exactly what I want to do with my future? This time, I didn't think so much about my history with theater and what I may lose for my future in acting. I was with two extraordinary people that they distracted me from thinking negatively about what I was watching. And also, perhaps maybe, because I had already been exposed once it was easier the second time around. But I can say that I'm proud of myself, which is very hard to do.

Next, I want to discuss with you what has gone on with my Psych degree "mess." I had been given news that if I wanted, I did in fact qualify for a double major in a Bachelor of Science in Psychology and Music. No, they are not related in my degree, though they can be in a career. But I was told that I could go ahead with a Double Major, under one degree, but I would in fact have the degree in Psychology and my undergrad would be done with. I wouldn't have to take any more lame ass ridiculous gen-ed credits to get the second degree. Now, the pride and desire in my wanted to go ahead and suck it up and do the extra credits required to get that second, separate degree in Psychology. But after talking to one of my professors that I am very close to and have known for a long time (I used to swim with his daughter and son so we were a tight swim family and then I of course took some of his courses in college) and he said that this was "good news." That if I decided to go on for a masters degree in Psychology that they would not look differently on my degree as a double major then they would if I had an actual separate, second degree in Psychology. Fact of the matter is, I am recognized for a degree in Psychology, it just happens to go with two majors instead of one major and one minor. So after some discussion and reflection, I decided to go ahead with the double major. So this means that I will be issued a new diploma that will read: Bachelor of Science, Major in Psychology, Major in Music. This DOES IN FACT mean that I DO have a degree in Psychology, it's just in one degree with another major, rather than a separate degree, which according to that professor of mine I talked about, will look the same as if I went for a separate degree in Psych all on it's own. So back to the bookstore I went, returned my books for the summer term, dropped my summer class I was going to take and declined the financial aid award to me that I applied for. I called Pat, talked to Chip and it's officially done. I will be issued a new diploma and will be able to apply for and hopefully go on to a Masters in whichever I field I choose, which is going to be Psychology.

Many have given their opinions that they think incorporating my two majors would be a great idea, like going into a masters program for Music Therapy. But that is not what I had in mind. I am pretty satisfied with my Music degree as it is, I do not plan on going on to teach it. But I have had this intense interest with criminology and all that goes with it like serial killers, crime scenes, behavioral analysis, etc. So, when going on to my Masters, I will be going forth with a Criminology Psychology Masters, also called a Master of Arts in Forensic Psychology. This kind of further education would help me in my endeavors to get into the BSU (Behavioral Science Unit) in the FBI and be a criminal profiler, if I chose to go that path. Right now, I am still heavily stuck on the path to being the greatest actress of my generation and perhaps succeeding others in the past but I am still going to go on with the Masters just in case Hollywood rejects me and my scars....

I have been extremely anxious about this upcoming surgery I have on Monday, the 13th and I'm not sure how to deal with it. I think part of it has to do with I haven't actually had a surgery in...6 months now? So getting back into the rhythm of the surgery thing has kind of gotten out of whack. Plus I absolutely hate the deserted feeling I get when my mama has to leave and go back home to go to work. I hate being alone in the hospital, even though I have a few friends coming to visit me, but no one can replace the feeling of having my mom there all day to be with me.

Wow, this post was like I just vomited out a bunch of random things but I guess I just needed to do some catching up. Lastly, I want to say that I think through my struggling I am becoming a determined soul to get things done in my life. And that feels pretty good. Now if only I can keep that determination going through the struggles of my life.

"There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul." ~Ella Wheeler Wilcox