A Life Worth Looking Back On

"One day your life will flash before your eyes.  Make sure it's worth watching."

I think about this quote often.  I would think about it a lot before I moved to New York City, thinking that my life was definitely not worth watching.  That it was a TV show pilot that couldn't get past 4 episodes or a horse racing in the Kentucky Derby that was last out of the gate and last to the finish line.  Then I would think about it a lot right after I moved to New York thinking then that now my life was worth watching.  And then in my last year in New York I would think about it because I felt that my life had taken a disastrous turn and was no longer worth watching.  Then my accident happened and years later I feel again that my life isn't worth even 5 minutes of viewing.  But this year some things have turned around for me.  So far 2012 has been good to me.  I've lost some weight and am continuing to work at losing, I'm doing better at getting out, I went to a fantastic concert (Coldplay) and really allowed myself to enjoy myself for once, my diabetes was finally figured out and am finally on the pump which is really working for me, I'm going to another concert in just 5 days (Jack White!!!) and will be away from home for a night for the first time in four years, I got a personal video message from Jack White himself (that could very well make my whole year if not life), and I've actually allowed myself to be happy on a few days.

To know that I've inspired Jack White has been huge in my recovery.  I hear every once in awhile from my friends and from blog followers that I inspire them but often I chalk it up to those people just being kind and trying to keep my spirits up.  But to hear it from Jack White, well he could very well be doing the same but his message to me was no ordinary message to a fan.  There was something very personal and real about it.  Like he really listened to whatever was said about me and how much him and his music means to me and truly felt inspired by that.  He didn't seem annoyed or like he HAD to deliver this message to some fan.  He had a smile on his face several times and he took his time with the message to really say something kind and heartfelt.  To hear Jack say that he's heard so much about me already and to hang in there gave me a renewed energy to keep fighting this horrible fight and war with myself and the struggles that have come about as a result of my accident.  I mean, don't get me wrong, it means a lot to me to hear it from my friends and my blog followers.  It really does.  But to hear it from someone who has meant so much to me for 12 years, someone who is as rich and famous as can be but yet took the time to make me smile is something else.  It made me fall in love with him all over again and has given me a strength that I really didn't think that I had left in me.

I'm starting to hope.  I'm starting to hope that there will be, that there IS a life for me after this accident.  I don't have high hopes for a partner in life, at least my hope hasn't reached that mountain yet, but I am starting to hope that I will do something I love with my life and that maybe I'll be able to inspire others with my story and make an impact on people's lives and the world.  To hope that when my life flashes before my eyes or I look back on everything, that it will not only be worth watching, but will be Oscar worthy.  And so it's really important to me to hear from you that follow my blog.  It makes me feel that I've been heard and that my writing is not for nothing.  That my fighting everyday is not for nothing.  And it helps keep me energized to fight and to hope.