Waiting for My Life to Begin

I am getting anxious waiting for this neck to heal. I emailed my doc a picture of my neck and he emailed almost instantly back saying that it has healed tremendously since he last saw it and I was to make an appt in 3 weeks. So I go in on July 14th and will probabaly start my expansion then. I was really impressed with how fast I heard back from my doctor. In fact, my doctor and I are on a first name basis and I think that's pretty cool. It's nice actually to be so close to your doctor and so important to him. He calls me his favorite patient.

My mother has gone to full time again, which is good financially, but it leaves me alone all day again. And me being left alone is not good. I mean, nothing to worry about for my safety, but it is just the extreme loneliness that I feel when I'm alone. It always gets me thinking about my former life and the accident and then I cry. And I cry with no one to hold me but the music of Jack White.

I still have so far to go yet and that just exasperates the loneliness. When will my life begin again? I feel like I'm just sitting here waiting. Waiting for my life to begin but it can't until I'm well and finally on my own again. I anxiously await that day. I imagine and daydream of a life filled with things I love and things I love to do. Perhaps going back to school or finally a job that suits me and that I love. A life filled with auditions, successful auditions and the theater whether I'm in it or watching it. A life enjoyed with the company of my closest of friends and family. A life where I don't mind waking up in the morning because it means a new day filled with all those things. But most of all a life filled with love. Love from my family, friends, and from a companion.

Until that day I feel like I'm just living day to day with no purpose, no goals. Just the power of loneliness that swallows me with tears running down my cheeks.