A fellow burn survivor and friend just recently had his 18 year anniversary of his burn. I can't imagine finally being so far away from all of this. I am envious of him. He looks great and his attitude is incredible. He told me the other day that since he's known me (which is only a couple months) that my attitude has changed for the better and he can see it but i'm not so sure. I feel like I'm in a funk, a rut that I can't get out of.
On another note, a good friend of mine asked me to write a poem for him a couple days ago. So stupid me actually did it and sent it to him via email. I haven't heard anything back from him and it breaks my heart. Why did I put myself in this position? What was I thinking opening up my heart like that? Stupid, stupid, stupid. I feel humiliated.
So here I am, still alone. And frustrated with waiting for this surgery. I am hoping my besty and her sister will be able to come down for this surgery. I have thought about asking the person I wrote the poem for to come down as well to see me but after not hearing back from him, I think I'm gonna squash that idea. Would have been nice.
On a lighter note, I did go out last night to two very dear friends of mine. They are married and I went to college with them. They have three great kids and it got a little crazy with them last night but I had a good time. At least I got out of the house twice this week so far. I think that might be a record. How sad is that?
And by the way, for those of you that I do see and you read this, I don't want to talk about the poem or who it was for. It was a waste of my heart.
1 comment:
I've been there; so lonely and longing for intimacy that I look in all the wrong places. Then I end up hurt, rejected and still lonely.
It's OK. You made a mistake. You looked in the wrong place and got hurt. But I'm glad you took the risk. Only a person who is ready to experience love again will take a risk. Keep risking!
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