The Eve of Surgery #24

It is the eve before my 24th surgery and today has not been so great a day. I'm hoping that it is not a precursor to how my surgery is going to go.

So my phone is fried, dead, kaput. It just suddenly stopped working when we got to the hotel. So this has made me super upset because now I'll be out of touch with the world and my friends for almost a week! Getting me stressed out like this the night before surgery is not a good thing so I'm trying to just say, "oh well," and let that be it. They didn't even give me a loaner phone! So now I'm going to have to use my mom's phone to text people how the surgery went and how I'm doing. Shitty.

This surgery is going to be another big surgery. It is my 24th surgery and the 5th one on my neck. I am very scared and nervous because it is my neck, ya know? AND there has never been a successful neck surgery in the past. So I lay here, in the hotel room in bed nervous as all hell, my tummy flipping inside and upside down and negative thoughts racing through my head. Oh please, if there is a God and He loves me, let this be the most successful surgery yet to be for me. And please, if it isn't too much to ask, don't let it be too painful when I wake.

So for all you friends and followers out there, I will be out of touch completely for about a week so this is my last post and you will not hear from me on Facebook because I will not have access to the internet since my phone died. If you want to know how my surgery went, FB message me by tonight or tomorrow morning, early, your phone number and i will text you how the surgery went when I wake up.

I hate this feeling of fear, nervousness, stress and excitement. It is too much for one body to handle. Especially a broken body like mine. How do I conquer these emotions? You'd think after all these surgeries I'd have learned to be a confident gladiator with them all and take in the anesthesiology like a champ. But I haven't and I don't. Is it because of my struggle with my faith? Or is it for some other unknown reason? Well, for whatever reason (s) I am not yet the conquering gladiator of my fearful emotions.

Well, good night my friends and followers. May you have a better week than me. And if you can, sneak in a prayer for me before you go to bed at night. Some all mighty power just might hear all of you and give me a successful surgery and easy week.

All my love.