Change

As you can see, I have a new look - and a new domain name and title - to my blog. I decided I needed a change and I believe that change is good. So I hope you like the new look, domain name, and title.

I have had to deal with a lot of change since my accident. The most obvious and biggest change being my appearance. I MAY post a picture of what I looked like before any of my surgeries if I can muster up the courage by the time I finish this post but that is a BIG MAY. I used to look unidentifiable. I cried everyday and I still cry about my physical appearance to this day but I must say that I am much, MUCH more close to my pre-burn appearance than I used to be. But even though I am closer to that pre-burn physicality, I am still different in appearance and this makes it hard for me to look in the mirror and see someone looking back at me that I don't recognize. It is particularly hard for me to look at old pictures. I am scarred now, badly.

I also have to get used to the change of being dependent, instead of INdependent as I so used to be. I rely on help with the simplest of things, such as getting a glass out of the cupboard or washing my own hair. My mobility has drastically changed for the worse and though that will get better with contracture release surgeries, it may never be fully functional again. I used to be a competitive swimmer and I may never get that full function in my arms to swim like I used to again. I may again be able to wash my own hair, take a shower on my own but as of now, I am fully dependent on help with those things and that is a change that is difficult to deal with as well.

I have also had to deal with the possibility of a change in career choice which breaks my heart clean in two for my dream was to be an actress. And now, because of my new post-burn appearance, I may not be appropriate for film. The only chance I really have at acting is in the theater but who can REALLY make money doing that? The money is in the film. And film was where I wanted to be. I loved the process of making a film and I wanted to be a part of it. Now if I'm going to be a part of film, it will be behind the scenes and I do not want to be behind the scenes. So I must look at my options and possibly break my heart, shoot down my dreams, and do something else. Besides my appearance, this is the most difficult change I will have to deal with.

Though all these changes have been for the worse for me, I still believe that change is good, thus the changing of my blog. I want to turn over a new leaf and go with the flow of these changes. I want to inspire people most of all and teach people about how your life can change in a split second so you should make the most of it everyday, every minute. That was the whole reason why I started this blog in the first place. I want to share what all I have lost because of my accident and also what I have gained because of it. I hope that I do that for you who read this blog. So don't be afraid of change. It is what you make of it.