A Split Second is all it Takes

I've had some hard days since my last expansion last Thursday and it got me to thinking today after I made a comment on a friend's FB page. Please, my friends, readers, and devoted followers, read this and take it to heart and live what I tell you:


Live your life to it's very best everyday of your life for your life can change in a split second and your world can come tumbling down on you. Such is what happened to me. Unfortunately, I did not live my life to it's very best everyday before my accident so it's hard for me to be at peace with my new life because I can't look back on my life and say, I did the best I could, I tried everyday, and I lived to the fullest everyday. I took advantage of a lot of things. I took advantage of living in a great city like New York after a couple years of living there. I got used to it and stopped taking advantage of this great city that had so much to do in it. I began to hate my life because I didn't know where I was going. I had lost sight of my goals, my dreams. I began just working my job and going to auditions less and less with each passing day. I began going to see Broadway shows less and less and stayed home more and more. I slept a lot, I became depressed. Very depressed. And that's why I came home; was to get my priorities in order and turn my life around but I never made it. My accident happened before I was able to make those changes and really re-evaluate my life.


My life changed in a split second. I went into a coma for a month and when I awoke, my life was changed forever. Everything I knew about my life would never be the same. I cannot describe to you the first time I saw myself in the mirror. For the longest time, they covered up the mirrors in the bathroom so that I wouldn't have such a shock without being prepared. But when the time finally came for me to face the burn it was devastating. They took down the paper that was covering the mirror and I kept my eyes to the floor for what seems like forever before I finally lifted my head to see a monster. I had no idea who was looking back at me. I was so scared that I would forever look the way I did that day. I have never cried like I did that day. I felt as if my life and my world was over. I even felt sorry for my family to have such an ugly and disfigured family member. I felt I would embarass them.

My life has never been the same since. I have gone through 24 surgeries and am heading into my 25th November 8th (I just found out). And my life will never be the same. And that scares me to no end. I cry often and with all my heart poured out in tears. What did God want me to learn from all of this? Was it simply to live my life better? Because if that was His intention He could have found a better grand plan than to hurt me so badly, inside and out. I just don't understand yet what He wants me to do with my life now. I've sent in a re-admittance form to go back to school to finish my Bachelor of Science in Psychology but is that where I belong? I still feel like I belong on the stage and on film. I can't get rid of that feeling. Everytime I watch a movie my heart lurches to be in front of that camera and it sinks at the same time knowing that dream may never come to pass.

So please, my dear friends and followers, live your life everyday to it's very best for it can change in a split second, like mine did. Even if it's a bad day, just be happy that you're alive. And make sure you tell those people that you love, that you love them everyday for you never know when yours or THEIR lives can change in that split second. A split second is all it takes.