The Devil on My Back

I'll hold your hand when you are feelin' mad at me

When the monsters they won't go

And your windows won't close

I'll pretend to see what you see
How long I say how long

Will you relive the things that are gone

Oh yeah the devil's on your back

But I know you can shake him off

And every day that you want to waste

That you want to waste, You can

And every day that you want to wake up

And you want to wake, You can

And every day that you want to change

That you want to change

Yeah I'll help you see it through,'Cause I just really wanna be with you

You know it's funny how freedom

Can make us feel contained

When the muscles in our legs aren't used to all the walkin'

I know if you could snap both your fingers

Then you'd escape with me

But in the meantime I'll just wait here and listen to you when you speak

Or scream

And every day that you want to waste

That you want to waste, You can

And every day that you want to wake up

And you want to wake, You can

And every day that you want to change

That you want to change

Yeah I'll help you see it through,'Cause I just really wanna be with you

The truth cuts us

And pulls us back up

And separates the things that look the same

But you can fight it off

You can fight it off,You can

And every day that you want to waste

That you want to waste, You can

And every day that you want to wake up

And you want to wake, You can

And every day that you want to change

That you want to change

Yeah, I'll help you see it through, 'Cause I just really wanna be with you

~Lyrics to "Waste" by Foster the People

I love these lyrics cause they really do speak to me on a deep level. "How long will you relive the things that are gone, oh yeah the devils on your back..." Man do I really feel like the devil is on my back keeping me company with misery and sorrow, particularly misery. And I'm so tired of it. He's getting awfully heavy hanging on there. I just want to be free of everything, the scars, my weight, the pills, the accident. This devil on my back gets me down on myself, gets me down on my life and I can't shake him. I cannot shake him. He brings my depression to a deeper level that I cannot describe.

"The truth cuts us, and pulls us back, and separates the things that look the same. But you can fight it off, you can fight it off." The truth indeed does cut us, At least that's how I feel about the mirror because the mirror is my truth. It's what I see that was once beautiful and is now unrecognizable to me. My body is also a truth that cuts me. It reminds me everyday when I need help bathing or getting dressed or go to reach for something that I'm dependent and it's unknown when I'll be independent again with those things. And those truths pull me back, make me withdraw into myself and into a mind that's full of deep, dark thoughts. How do I fight off both the devil on my back and the truths that are pulling me back? That's just a lot of fighting that I feel I don't have the energy for.  So am I losing?

The Chorus is brilliant. I can waste away everyday that I want because I simply can. But the thought of everyday that I want to wake up and the thought that I CAN is daunting in the sense that I just don't wake up because of those truths and that damn devil that holds me back. Oh God, how I want to wake up, how I want to CHANGE, as the chorus goes on to end with. And they sing that "You can." Can I really when I'm suffering from such depression? Everyday is a waste to me and I preach to you to not waste a single day in your life. Don't be like me and waste a day because soon that day will be gone and you can't get it back.  And if someone is suffering from a depression, please be there for them cause it does feel like a devil is on your back and they need all the support they can get to help fight off that devil.  Be there for them no matter what, no matter how long.  You can use tough love once in awhile but you must, you must give understanding all the time.  We don't want to be alone in this.  I don't want to be alone in this and I know I'm not.  I know I have lots of wonderful, caring, supportive friends and family but sometimes that devil gets so heavy and those truths cut so deep, I do feel alone.