A Chat With A Dear Friend

I had an interesting and most fantastic conversation with someone who is becoming a most dear friend of mine the other week.  She's brilliant and funny and beautiful and kind.  And a great friend.  But we were chatting last week and our chat was so wickedly brilliant that I told her I had to blog about it.  It came about over a story about a crazy fan over Jack White and it just went from there taking on a life of it's own.  Here's clips of how it went...

Linda:  if i may...how much time do you spend looking at the big picture?
SB: oh boy...looking at the big picture...not much I guess. It's always the past, the immediate present and the near future.  well, the far away future too.
Linda: to clarify...sometimes i get very overwhelmed when i look too far ahead, especially when i'm in the middle of a shitstorm. i don't like the day by day attitude so much because i am goal oriented. but say in your case - if you took a look at the next challenge you have ahead, and just focused on that - maybe you'd feel differently.

Linda: oh and i know you can't escape your past - no one can. but you can't move forward by looking behind you... without falling.  sorry if that sounds too... lame.
SB: yes, I get exactly the same way and I'm assuming you read my blogpost today because you said sorry for my breakdown and I hate that day to day shit
Linda: yes
SB: but yes, you're right about looking at the next challenge.  it might help
Linda: it's hard not to remember and relive your past - but maybe you need to just pretend this is all you've ever known in order to appreciate how far you've come.  lame? ugh...i'm trying here
SB: NO!! not lame at all actually. That's pretty insightful
Linda: i just think you are tremendous.  awesome!  this wil be your decade!
SB: aww thanks Linda. I think you are too.
Linda:  i know so.  believe it.  you need to start evisioning your success. personal, emotional, professional.
SB: yeah, I do. I know. I don't do it at all
Linda: yes, i have a bit of a pollyanna attitude, or so i've been told.  i just really believe we are how we think.  as women we already deal with a mountain of insecurities every day. why add to the mountain?
SB: it's so hard NOT to add to the mountain
Linda: why tell ourselves we can't do this or that, or why bother...the mind is so powerful

SB: yes it is. you're absolutely right there

Linda: i mean, we all have days. shit, loads of 'em even. but at the end of the day we are usually victims of our own self deprecation.  we need validation from mirrors or men... pfft!  sick of that shit!  sorry...i'm on a soapbox now

SB: no I love it!  you're so right

Linda: happiness is innate. we are born happy and we spend our lives searching for things to keep us in that place. be it food, or men, clothes or music. i just believe that true happiness needs to come from within, it can't be dependent on anything but ourselves.

SB: yes absolutely. 
Linda:  and therin lies the ongoing problem of us believing that we are worth it. worth being loved for not being perfect, or famous, or whatever. with a healthy dose of self love - not arrogance mind you - we can move closer to accepting the love that might come our direction without questioning motives....

so how do we arrive at true self love and acceptance? that is what we all must figure out how to do... individually.

SB: that's the hard part
Linda: all we see is always all we think we should be in order to be loved. so sad.  if we believe that every person struggles with this then maybe we can move closer to narrowing the gap.
(some small talk about Jack White for a bit)

so here lies a beatiful person who is likely just as questioning of everyone as we are. trapped behind the image of himself as the world has portrayed him and made him. locked inside of celebrity. that's fine if all you're searching for is the next fan to fuck, but if you want someone to be there when you go bankrupt, or lose your hands in an accident, or go bald and get fat... then what?

SB: then it can suck if you're trapped in that
Linda:  i want the guy who loves me enough to carry me to the toilet if i can't walk. or who reads me our loveletters when i lose my mind and hopes that i'll remember!  hehe
SB: lol oh god, me too, me too

Linda: (curse of the notebook!)
when society forces us to consider everything from marriages to cars disposable - it's hard to believe there are people out there wanting something that lasts.  everyone trades in, trades up.  always looking for something better. pfft!

SB: that's so fucking sad

Linda: nothing distinctive about them.  i like distinctive cars and people!  character is where it's at.  I think it all correlates. it's like wanting to be loved for who you are, period. not what you drive, what you wear, etc.  i don't want to be homogenized. i'm not generic, i'm me dammit!....but if you think about it, it's the distinctive things in life that really capture our attention.  music, looks, personalities...
SB: that's absolutely true


And then there was some more small talk and then I had to go.  But she brought up some good points that all definitely applied to me like when she talked about being victims of our own self-deprecation, happiness, the outside validation we seek.  I especially seek outside validation because I can't find it in my own self cause I'm too busy being self deprecating.  And it especially hit home when she talked about believing we are worth being loved for not being perfect.  To believe I'm worth being loved and to give myself self-love is one of my biggest challenges.  Thanks, Linda.  It was a stimulating and interesting conversation and provided me with some insight that I haven't stopped thinking about.

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