Fancy Another, Even MORE Wicked Chat With Linda?!

I had another great, GREAT chat with Linda that changed my day.  Her advice and commentary is brilliant and wicked and I love her for all that she is.  She's an amazing woman and friend and I don't know how to thank her for lifting my spirits in just the right moments and in just the right way.  I don't know how to thank her for the brilliant way she lifts my heart and my spirits except to say, I love ya, Linda and I thank you for being such a great, amazing, beautiful, WONDROUS friend, SISTER!  You mean so much to me.  I present to you our conversation today:

LINDA: tough day doll? *hugs*

SB: Oh Linda, good to talk to you. I've missed you. yeah, it's a tough day. and a tough day yesterday. I'm tired of it.

LINDA: what's goin' on sweetie?

SB: I'm just excruciatingly lonely and upset all the damn time.  and angry

LINDA: sigh. i'm sorry angel... this too shall pass. doesn't help that the national holiday for gagging people with forced "love" is upon us.  you need something to distract you. something to tie up your mind... writing?

SB: yeah, I was attempting to write something earlier this morning but I got distracted by my anger and being upset

LINDA: well we need to find you something to get all lost and immersed in. maybe a great book would help you ...

SB: yeah but I'm having a hard time emersing myself in a book cause I'm having emotional/mental problems.  I can't focus.  I can't calm my mind

LINDA: exercise is vital,even if you just do what you can. do you have resistance bands? they're awesome.

SB: yeah, I have some really nice resistance bands.  I been taking care of myself for an awfully long time. even before the accident.  that's what's even sadder.  god, I'm crying now

LINDA: it's not sad. it's life doll.  crying is okay too. needed sometimes.

SB: then why are almost all of my friends, older and younger, married or engaged?

LINDA: oh who knows. and who cares.  sorry...didn't mean that to sound insensitive.

SB: it didn't

LINDA: but what i'm saying is that i know plenty of people, older and younger, who are NOT with anyone.  we tend to put our focus on the people who seem to have what we lack, or desire.  it's perspective.

SB: I know, but I want to be with someone. I'm tired of being alone.

LINDA: why don't you try some different kind of therapy.
how about...
writing your story with a happy ending.
fairytale shit
write it like you want it to happen.
write it in full detail.
the successful surgeries
the healing
the return to the stage
the meeting of the great guy you thought you couldn't get
the romance of it
the passion of it
all of it.
the happy fucking ending!

SB: yeah

LINDA: it's not a pipe dream love....it is your life.  the way you see it, the things you tell yourself every single day matter.
i have a trick.

SB: K

LINDA: imagine yourself as a beautiful little girl
full of hope
dreams
limitless possibilities...
got that?
can you picture her?

SB: It's hard.

LINDA: no just do it.  this is part of the trick.

SB: OK

LINDA: take yourself back to being like, 13.
full of wonder
curious
excited
i'm just asking to to visualize her

SB: OK

LINDA: now tell that beautiful girl that she's unworthy.
tell her it'll never happen.
she's ridiculous.
hideous.
yelll at her
tell her she's ugly
tell her to stop dreaming
you see her crying?

SB: yes

LINDA: you see the damage you're causing that girl?
that's what you do to yourself every day.
by believing the bullshit
don't do that to that beautiful girl.
you wouldn't dare do it to your own child.
remember yourself as a child... someone loved and adored, encouraged and supported.
you need to keep your eyes on that girl all the time.  give her what she needs.
tell her everyday that she is amazing.
worthy.
completely capable of exceeding her wildest dreams.

SB: but she was beautiful and amazing back then. not anymore

LINDA: no. she still is.  as if you were a mother to your own child self.
you wouldn't say... yeah, forget it dear. might as well phone it in.
you'd say ... whatever it takes, i will help you get there. you will arrive at where you want to be. i promise.
because you would feel innate to protect her, guard her and love her no matter what.

SB: I don't know how. I've hated myself for almost four years now
My four year anniversary is coming up.

LINDA: you can't just allow yourself to see what was. you have to remember you're still her.
i know angel, and i'm sorry for such a sucky anniversary. but god i'm glad you're here.  i won't let you be a victim of this tragic shit. i just won't.you are amazing. i pray every day that you'll see it and believe it. see with your heart. believe with your very soul.

SB: You're such an amazing woman, Linda. I wish I had your woman power.

LINDA: you do. you are stronger than i am my dear.

SB: no I'm not.

LINDA: you say that, but the proof is everywhere.  seriously.  why do you think i rally behind you so strongly?  for fun?  no.i'm not like that.  i'd give "atta girls" to someone who'd been through such a horrific incident as you, but to really rally, cheer, pray, champion for someone.... that's because of what i see.
you're unbelievable.

SB: because I'd like to think you're my friend. my good friend

LINDA: in a great way.
i am.

SB: Thanks for saying those things.

LINDA: but my point is, what i have seen in you since we "met" has impacted my life too.  i've never wanted someone to succeed as much as i want it for you.  you're this dazzling talented woman. so much to offer. so much to give. so many places to go and worlds to conquer.  i just won't let you give up on you.

SB: aww Linda, those are amazing things to say to me

LINDA: it's clear you have so much to give.  it's true doll.  i've nothing to gain by saying it. it's my heart, it's what i believe.  it's what i KNOW.  i feel lucky to know you.  i just know one day i'll be saying... "shit, i know that girl, and look at her now - what an amazing woman!"
you'll invite me to your wedding.  hehe
and i'll swoon over your amazing man.
and i'll probably still be single
but whatever.

SB: lol

LINDA: seriously though, you are so fucking smart... look at how far you came in such a short time before your accident.  that's crazy amazing.

SB: I would invite you to my wedding in a heartbeat if i was lucky enough to get married.

LINDA: you have such gifts... such talent.
you will be.
stop.
no "ifs" anymore.
it's so not healthy.
when.
when
when
when i get married i will invite you to my fabulous wedding so you can shag the groomsman.  hehe

SB: You're such a good friend and an amazing woman yourself

LINDA: that's what you need to say to me!

SB: lol Thank you.

LINDA: oh gee... yeah well whatever. we all have our issues right?

SB: oh, of course! you know it!

LINDA: i'm a mess of my own making. but i don't dwell on it.  no point.

SB: well, when you look in the mirror you get to see a beautiful woman.  who's HIGHLY intelligent.

LINDA: yes, i'm guilty of blowing a lot of sunshine up your ass...i'm rather positive in general. but that's hard wiring.
thanks doll.
looks are fleeting and we both know that.

SB: it's just sunshine?

LINDA: no...but i'm sure you might feel like it's sunshine

SB: not from you.

LINDA: here you're all wrapped up in feeling blue and uh oh, linda's here - blasting you with cheerleading positive shit
hehe

SB: lol, no I like it when you talk to me

LINDA: but i looooooooove you and want you to be happy. happy can't come from sad. kick sad's ass.  sad needs to fuck off.  nothing gets accomplished with sad. angry - well at least that can motivate you.  i always choose pissed over sad when i can.
hehe
at least i'll get something done.

SB: yeah well what happens when you're upset, sad and angry all at the same time

LINDA: i know.  but it's like a hole.  you have to get out of it.

SB: I don't know how.

LINDA: whatever works. baby steps.  one thing makes you smile.  one thing distracts you long enough to lift your mood for a moment, or two and so on.  pretty soon you're as happy as when you're watching tennis.

SB: lol

LINDA: then you take the moment when you're feeling not so blue and do something with it. something to promote more happy. that's what drives the sad away

SB: does someone tell you how brilliant you are EVERYDAY? Cause we all should.

LINDA: don't be so fucking hard on yourself doll. oh geeesh, hahaha! no, brilliant hardly!

SB: You are. You say the most amazing things.

LINDA: Thank you...you're too sweet...

SB: it's just hard to keep it stuck when I pass a mirror or look down at my arms

LINDA: seriously. now if we are sisters (which we are) then you'll follow my advice.

SB: I'm going to try.

LINDA: well shit. i don't know what to say about that. at least you're not the 600 lb woman on some reality show

SB: lol. ha!

LINDA: look... if it bothers you to notice your scars then just don't look at them. i understand that from the inside you're exactly the same person as you were before the accident. so it must be irritating and shocking to catch a glimpse of the evidence now and then. but the thing you must remember is that you are the same person. only better - stronger - wiser. you have survived and you delight people in the most inspiring and honest ways. you do realize how much power you have to impact people don't you?

SB: no I don't. I really don't.

LINDA: perhaps because your choose a vocation that was reliant not only on talent, but on appearance - now you associate acceptance with something flawless. fuck that. so not true.

SB: but what do I do in that position?

LINDA: look at some of the most amazing people in the business. they aren't perfect. the perfect looking ones fade in an instant. the people with talent are often noted for that, way beyond being recognized as some poster child for perfection.
gosh, you could do a hundred things with your power.

SB: who in the business has scars like I do?
who in the business is going to hire someone with scars like mine?

LINDA: go back on stage if you want. or write and help others with your own experience. go off on a tear and be a forensic expert or turn to writing crime novels. stop comparing yourself to other people. we all have to stop doing that. period. no one has your exact scars, no. and yet some people are born with ugly faces (yours is stunningly gorgeous) and yet they have careers. please, please tell me you won't define yourself that way love. you're so much better than that. and besides, i'm totally confident that you've yet to see the full impact of how much better you'll look to yourself once you've finished your surgeries. don't dwell on the contractures, fuck them. let's decide they aren't going to plague you anymore. your body is going to start responding the way you want it to from now on. you're going to feed yourself well, and work out, and your body will respond better than it ever has in the past. you've got the power to be a huge voice for a hundred things... it's all up to what you want to do. if you feel confident enough to return to the stage then you shall. i know you don't want to be known as that actress with the scarred up body. and you won't be. you'll be that damn talented actress that people can't forget because you dazzle them.  and if curiosity leads them to do stories on your story then you'll blow them away in another realm by the sheer inspiration of all you've been through and accomplished to get to where you are.
ramble ramble. sorry.

SB: oh goodness Linda, you have a way of turning a girls head. Really, thank you for saying the brilliantly wicked things you say. They make me want to believe.

LINDA: i just know there are hundreds of people out there, if not thousands... who have had their lives completely changed by upended by stupid accidents. cars, fires, guns, whatever. people longing for what they lost. you can show them how to rise above it. you're a phoenix remember?

SB: yeah,I wish

LINDA: oh if i thought i could turn your head a little it would be worth it. worth it!!!!
no wishing.
there is no try. only do.

SB: You do.

LINDA: Spoken from Yoda. hehe.

SB: lol

LINDA: dude, you're lucky i don't live close. i'd be dragging you out of bed every day and making you work out with me, go cruise the cafes for cute men, force you to talk to guys you think are hot... haha
i think you spend too much time alone.  you need to make yourself get out there.  volunteer somewhere or just go sit on the internet at a starbucks a couple times a week and meet people....

LINDA: ... well guess what? you don't know who you might meet who would do that for you, who would love to have your company and feisty wit and banter.  you just might meet a "me" at a cafe. today!  you never know.  that's what's lovely about life. you could meet the man you'll marry someday, just by ordering a coffee.

SB: if I could meet a "you" in male form, I'd be the luckiest woman in the world.

LINDA: but that's not going to happen if you don't go out for coffee.
oh thanks! hahaha  hmmm... me as a dude.  hehe

SB: I don't have many friends here and the ones that I do are working
ha, I didn't mean that in a weird way. You got what I meant, right?  lol

LINDA: yes
that's an excuse. i don't want to hear that. do you need a friend to go to coffee with you? no. go get a coffee and meet some new people. whoever is in the cafe either works from home, works at night or is unemployed. who cares. go meet some people!

SB: I don't have the confidence I once hadl

LINDA: confidence isn't required. just a desire for caffeine.

SB: I have that.

LINDA: it will just happen organically. don't need to force it.

SB: there aren't many NEW people to meet in my small town.

LINDA: but you have to change your situation by getting out. no one can find you in your house.
you don't know that. you're assuming that. you're allowing that presumption to be your excuse for not going.

SB: lol I'm only laughing cause you're so obviously right.
yes, you're right

LINDA: people visit. people travel through. people move. do you know everyone in your WHOLE town? hehehe

SB: No, but almost, lol.

LINDA: no... get my point here - the joke about the flyer is just that people won't come knock on your door. doesn't matter if you live alone. you have to actually change your routines if you want a different outcome

SB: yeah, I know your point but what I'm saying is I don't really have a place to bring people to to hang out in a more intimate setting.

LINDA: so what? they'll invite you over. or you'll just be cafe sluts. no big deal.

SB: lol
cafe sluts
lol

LINDA: again... stop thinking of the walls. there isn't a damn thing you can't overcome.

SB: but then what am I supposed to say, oh yeah hey, oh these scars? yeah I was burned and now I live at home for the time being and I'm 30 years old. thats hot

LINDA: we don't hop in our cars and go out to the store thinking...well shit, what if my car dies. or what if i get hit by a bus. or what if i get a flat and i'm stranded for four hours. or what if i get carjacked. we just go to the fucking store.
seriously? of course you live at home right now. but you're excited to be back on your own once this is behind you. no one would bat an eyelash.

SB: I beg to differ. In his mind it's going to go, "30 years old and living with mom and dad.....not interested."

LINDA: why not say... what if i meet a great new friend. what if i get offered some amazing job. what if someone shares something with me that totally changes the way i've been thinking. what if i meet a super great guy and we become friends. no. i'll argue you into the ground on the living at home thing.

SB: no you're right on the above comment. before you said you'd argue me into the ground

LINDA: so many people have moved back in with their parents because they lose jobs or can't afford it. they go through divorces or whatever. not like you're some slacker living in the basement buying dolls on the home shopping channel when you should be working and being a productive member of society. you have a legitimate reason for living at home and it's temporary. you don't need to validate shit to anyone.

SB: wow, you can make me feel better about living at home. you're right. you're absolutely right.

LINDA: besides, unless romeo is living with his parents then just go hang at his place. and if he is living at home... then he can't talk!

SB: lol

LINDA: so what if people ask about your scars. it gives you the opportunity to share your story. it's a brilliant (albeit sad) story that is so amazing sarahbeth. seriously. you've got to trust. you've got to let people in. otherwise they're missing out on you. and you rock!

SB: thanks, Linda

LINDA: you never know who you're gonna meet... have you seen the film sliding doors?

SB: yes

LINDA: well i love that film because it illustrates just how minute details can make a huge difference. what if the person you're supposed to marry is sitting at a cafe right now? you make a choice not to go out. you miss meeting him? hehe

SB: yeah, it is a wicked film, particularly about choices

LINDA: not trying to use scare tactics. but you know what i'm saying
i just think the bottom line is you need to change it up.

SB: I know what you're saying.

LINDA: when we spend too much time in our heads it gets loud and crowded. i like my space as much as the next person. but i need people in my life too.

SB: yes!

LINDA: Helps give you perspective.

SB: yes yes!!

LINDA: so make a plan girl...and stick to it.  make a chart. go buy some neon poster board and shiny stickers...hehe...whatever it takes.  you're on a mission.  no one will get in your way.

SB: lol, I kinda like that idea hehe

LINDA: i'm big on lists. hehe

SB: lol

LINDA: makes me feel like i'm actually getting shit done.

SB: yes, they do. True.

LINDA: i want to hear about the weirdos you meet.

SB: lol, I'll tell you about them all.

LINDA: i want stories from sarahbeth that have nothing to do with anything but stupid cafe people.
yes!

SB: You've helped my day a lot.

LINDA: i love observing people and then creating little stories for them. oh, he lives in the house above the coffee shop. he's banging the barista with the mohawk but she thinks he's to nerdy looking to admit that she's having sex with him. so he sits here, every morning, looking at her out of the corner of his eye. waiting. hoping she'll come visit him after her shift.
oh i have? yay!!!!
two second stories. try it. they're fun

SB: But you're a writer, I'm not.

LINDA: bullshit. we're both writers.

SB: oh oh oh don't put me in the same class as a brilliant writer like you

LINDA: oh pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease. no no no. you're not going to do that. honey i read your blog for starters. so whatever.  you have a deep creative side and great talent. just put it somewhere in the fiction realm for awhile and see what comes of it.   could surprise you

SB: ok, I'll try.  you're right.  absolutely right

LINDA: no. you'll write. no one tries to write. it is what it is
i think you'd enjoy playing there...it's fun.

SB: I'll do it. maybe I'll even try today.

LINDA: yes!  omit try from your thoughts.  edit it out
today i will write.
today i will go for a drive and see where i end up.
today i will work out. even if it only lasts 5 minutes.
today i will be good to myself.
today i will choose to shove negative thoguhts out of my delighful mind.

SB: you're good. you should be a life coach.

LINDA: hmm....that's a scary thought! hahaha

SB: no it's not actually! Look at what you do for me?!!!!!!

LINDA: i always wondered what the resume would say for a life coach.

SB: ha, yeah.

LINDA: eduction: life. skills: life. experience: life. hehe
objective: to cheer you on to be the best you possible. hehe
oh boy...

SB: lol, exactly.

LINDA: well if i've made you smile then that's definitely the best part of my day. and my day is going well

SB: you did, you did make me smile

LINDA: love you girl.

SB: oh man, I love you too.

LINDA: mutual admiration society. hehe

SB: lol

LINDA: i'm expecting to hear of adventures the next time we chat i'll have you know. so you'd better start working on that plan.

SB: I will.  You've inspired me. you inspire me every time we talk

LINDA: well now you know how i feel. cause you do the same. even when we don't talk.

SB: awww. Thanks Linda.

LINDA: you need to remind yourself something pretty huge... not everyone in this self absorbed society is lame. people are capable and searching for real people. people with stories. people who have to deal with crap daily. people who struggle and still sparkle.
go sparkle.
you'll meet lame people too... but they're just good for reminding you how amazing the cool people are.
i write the lame people into my stories... they are the ones who need a clue. you've already got the clue. now just go be you. scars and all. you're amazing.

SB: thank you, sincerely.


LINDA: don't let anything stop you love. nothing. no one. no way.
you're welcome.
well i've got to dash. need to print out this script and bind it and send it off to the book author.
so lovely to chat...always is.

This chat with Linda was even more insightful and even more inspiring than the conversation I posted a few weeks ago and even any conversation I've ever had with her. She's incredible and I love her so, not just for the insight she gives me but for being a remarkable and unique friend. I'm lucky to have her on my side of life. I'm so very lucky to have her as my good friend.