My New Smile

I hated my burned smile with my burned and fucked up lips.  My bottom lip is a big ol' mess, mostly due to the major contracture pull happening in my neck.  This surgery was going to work on that but because there is still some pull in my neck and some contractures to be cleaned up, my doctor didn't want to perform surgery on it just to have my neck pull it back down since it's all connected.  So he has stated that correcting my bottom lip will be one of the last things he does. But in the meantime there are other smaller things he can do on my mouth to help open it up and free it from the contractures that bind it.  This was one of those surgeries.

For those of you who have read my post before this already know what he ended up doing to my mouth and if you didn't read the post before this and therefore don't know, I highly suggest you stop reading this current post and go back and read the one prior to this before reading any further so you can truly understand what I'm going to explain in this post.  Then you can come back and continue reading this post.  Back to where I was...

There were two strategies my doctor had to releasing the contractures around the corners of my mouth that were also causing my mouth to be so small and taught, particularly my upper lip.  The first was to do some z-plasty's around the corners of my mouth in efforts to release the contractures around my mouth and upper lip.  The second was to do a procedure (the name of which I cannot recall) where he actually goes in and cuts open the corners of my mouth and does something with the tissue on the inside of my mouth.  The last time I talked to him at my pre-op appt, he was going for the z-plasty procedure and I was fine with that, even though a part of me was a little disappointed that he didn't decide to go with the procedure in which he cut open the corners of my mouth.  Even though I knew that would be the more painful between the two procedures, I worried that the z-plasty's just wouldn't be enough, wouldn't give enough release.

I don't know what changed my doctor's mind but something did after the anesthiologist put me under because when I woke up I knew something had changed in the plan for what I felt around my mouth without even touching my mouth, just the feeling of it, was not z-plasty's.  Something else had happened to my mouth and as soon as I was able, I requested a mirror to get to the bottom of what had happened.  But telling you again what happened is not what this blog post is about.  This blog post is about something else much simpler; SMILING.  MY smile.  So I told you I hated my smile because after my accident the contractures that had formed around my mouth had made my mouth so small and tight.  My upper lip was tight and pulled in while my bottom lip was contracted so that it was being pulled out and was thick with scar tissue.  I used to love my smile and I loved smiling.  I think smiling is a beautiful exchange between people.  And I was so horrified by my post-burn smile that I would either do a small, closed mouth smile or just not smile at all.  I wasn't able to tell much after this surgery how much release I got from the procedure because it was so, SO tender and hurt pretty good just to open my mouth to talk plus it was pretty damn swollen.  But during the course of the second day, the swelling began to go down and the tenderness got less.  I asked my mom for her mirror in her purse and I tried something out that to be honest, I was a little scared to try out for fear of being disappointed as I often have been in the past because of high expectations.  My mother handed me her mirror and I hesitantly gave her a go.  I parted my lips and slowly smiled at myself in the mirror.  I cannot describe to you the joy I felt at such a small thing.  A smile.  That's all it was but that's all it took to bring my heart incredible joy.  I no longer had a small, tight smile where you could barely see my teeth behind my lips.  This was a loose, big, teeth baring smile.  And what's even better is I know it's only going to get better as the swelling continues to go down and the stitches in the corners of my mouth are taken out.  It's also going to get better and better as more work is done on it.  My doctor said there is more work he can do on it to open it up plus the work he is going to do on my bottom lip.

It's amazing at how much such a simple and small thing can bring your heart so much joy.  I wasn't sure if there was going to be any hope for my mouth but after this surgery, I know there is.  I feel good and positive about the future of my mouth and my smile.  I know that sounds weird but you really have no idea how much a smile can mean to you until you've gone so long without one that you feel good about.

(My first new smile, post surgery 6.11.12.  More swelling to go down and stitches to be taken out yet)