If I Could Relive My Life

If I Could Live My Life Again

I know I'm not the perfect one.  I know that there are so many things that I regret.

In this world that I used to live, there are so many things I cried for.

I want to forget all those, but how could I forget all about it when all the memories haunt me and so?

I wish that I could turn back time so I can make my faults be right.

If only I could live my life again, then I would do my best to make things better,

for I shall pass in this world only once.

If only I had the courage to show you how I feel, then I wouldn't be feeling this way.

Oh Father, if ever you are to show me the real happiness, please don't ever take it away.

You've tested me, and I know, I've proven you that I'm real.

Kindly help me to be strong in the midst of the storm so that when the time comes,

nothing can shake my faith anymore.

~Kim Jin Yi

There's a catch-22 about reliving your life.  In one way it would be great for those of us who have regrets and made mistakes that we want to fix and do-over.  But if you look at it like many people and philosphers do in that those mistakes we make aren't mistakes, but lessons to be learned, then if we went back and relived our lives to fix those mistakes would we miss the lesson that was meant to be learned from that mistake?  I guess it depends on how we go back to "do-over" our life.  In other words, when we go back to relive our life, do we remember those mistakes and regrets and the results of them?  Or do we not remember anything from the life full of mistakes we came from to only make the same mistakes all over again?  Do we get to bring our memory with us in the do-over of our life?  Well, if we get to bring our memory with us, I think I would choose to have a do-over of my life and I would repeat the successful things in my life and having learned the lessons of my mistakes in my first life, I would make different choices.  But then again, would I want to go back through everything?  Now, it's all behind me, despite the fact that I can't let go of it, it's behind me.  

This subject can of course turn into the subject of reincarnation.  I'm still slightly undecided about reincarnation.  I have a friend whose very dear to me and her mother has an interesting perspective on this subject and I'd like to share it.  She does believe in reincarnation.  She believes in God as more of a source of energy than a deity.  And she believes that when we die in one life, we are sent to a place of "heaven," where we are surrounded by other spirits who have come and gone in our lives and there is a discussion, if you will, about if you feel you have learned what "God" has meant for you to learn.  If you feel that there is something more you must learn, they send you back either to the life you are currently living (as if you had a near-death experience) or you are reincarnated into another being and you grow to hopefully make different choices then you did in your previous life because you have learned from them or perhaps you make the mistake again.  If you die, or are having a near-death experience, and you are with your "spiritual elders" and you all agree that you have learned what all you were meant to learn in your times on Earth, then you stay and become a spiritual source of that energy that represents God.

This now brings us to the subject of younger and older souls.  We've all come across those certain people, young people that just seem to be very mature for their age, "old" for their age in the sense that they make more grown-up decisions.  We have often said, "they have an 'old soul' about them."  Are these perhaps people who have been reincarnated several times and really are old souls and the reason they seem more mature and make better decisions is because they have been reborn several times to continue learning what it is that God put them on this Earth to learn?  And then there are those people that we just want to wring their necks because no matter how old they may be, they are just so immature and make poor decisions.  Again, we often call these people, "young souls."  Why?  Because they have only been through a few rebirths and their souls are not mature enough to make a mistake, learn from it and when faced with a similar situation, remember that lesson and make a better choice.  


I have been told many times that I am an "old soul."  That I have this old soul feel to me, despite stupid mistakes I may make, I immediately know it was a stupid choice.  I have also been told that I have an old soul feel to me because of the maturity and "life" knowledge that I possess.  This "life" knowledge that I speak of often indicates an old soul.  It's like knowing things about life that you really shouldn't know or be so aware of at your age.  


Since I've been told I am an "old soul" by so many people, have I passed through many lives to know the "life knowledge' that I do?  But if I am such an old soul, how did I screw up so bad in this life once I entered college?  It's like that first year of college I went downhill, then a little uphill, then drastically downhill again around 2007.  Have I passed through life after life after life without learning the one thing I was really supposed to learn in this life that this "God" finally had it and stepped in to nearly kill me and destroy my body and my life in order for me to "get it?"  Was this life my last chance to learn the lesson I was supposed to learn that God had to do something so terrible and drastic to me so that I am finally able to say, "I get it." 


Even though I have learned a lot, and I mean A LOT, with the occurrence of this injury I'm still not sure I've learned what I was supposed to learn.  So would I go back and relive my life if I had the chance?  I think I would only if I could bring some sort of sense memory with me so that nothing would happen to me again like what has happened to me in this life.  I do believe in old souls and younger souls.  I'm just not sure what to believe in for how they got that way.  Is it just how the Universe designed them (or God, if there is a God. I'm still fighting that subject)?  Or is it because they've passed through many lives?  I just don't understand why this happened to me if there is such a wonderful God.  Have I just screwed up so many times that finally something drastic had to happen to me for me to have an "ah ha" moment?  Was I punished?  Or did it just happen and it simply sucks.  All those reasons just aren't good enough for me.  Something like this should never happen to anyone.


"If I could relive my life, I wouldn't.  Cause everything I've done, I've never once regretted doing them.  And everything I am, is everything I was meant to be."