Living and Dwelling in Suffering

I was watching a television show yesterday morning and there was a young woman on there that said something that hit home for me.  She was sold into slavery at a young age until an anonymous caller finally made a call that would save and change her life.  But when asked if the feeling of loneliness was still there or was just a memory for her, she replied, "In order to be happy with your life, bad things have to be a memory or you won't be able to move on."  Got me thinking.

I live nearly every day in suffering but I also live nearly every day dwelling in my suffering.  There's a difference between living in suffering and living in suffering.  Get what I'm trying to say?  Of course I'm going to suffer in some way every day.  That's just the nature of the accident and the way my body wants to work when healing.  I can't not suffer every day.  Every day is a challenge from the moment I wake up.  But I also tend to dwell in my suffering.  The things I have had to go through tend to stay with me every day instead of being a memory that I can move on from.  I don't dwell in my suffering for attention or to gain something.  I dwell in my suffering because I don't know how to make the bad things that have happened with the accident or since the accident become just a memory.  I don't know how to be happy because I'm constantly reminded of my suffering.  With every turn of my head the contractures pull and I'm reminded.  With every reach to try and get a glass or plate the contractures pull, restrict my movement and I'm reminded.  My right leg, where the free flap was taken and muscle with it, is weaker than my left and tires with every step and I'm reminded.  With every glance in the mirror I'm reminded.  With every surgery and with every pain, I'm reminded.  I feel like I can't escape it.  How do I make them a memory so that I can move on from dwelling in the suffering and just be happy?  Oh how I'd love to be happy again.  But the suffering gets in my way every day.  Maybe it's still just to soon for my suffering to be a memory.  But then how long must this go on until it does become a memory?  How much of my life must be wasted in the dwelling of my suffering before I can move on?  I'm getting really tired of being stuck in this dark maze where I can never seem to see the rays of light from the opening signifying that I'm even near getting out and letting all the bad just be a memory.  Instead it's just dark and I keep running into dead ends and the suffering continues on.  The accident and all that has come with it is lived every day for me and makes moving on evermore difficult.