Amazing Therapy - Tormentors

I had quite an amazing therapy appointment the other day.  It was almost like a little breakthrough for me and my therapist.  On our appointment before this one we discussed things in my life that were tormenting me and at this most recent appointment, she broke out the dictionary to find out just exactly what "torment" meant (she likes to do that and now she's got me hooked on it, too as well as finding the origin of words).  And what we found were a couple things.

Torment:
1. An instrument of torture or the torture inflicted.
2.  great pain or anguish, physical or mental; suffering; agony
3.  a source of pain, anxiety, or annoyance.
4. to cause great physical pain or mental pain or mental anguish in
5.  to harass, annoy or tease
6.  to stir up, agitate

Secondly we looked up Tormentor:
1.  a person or thing that torments
and this is where is got interesting:
2.  Theater - a flat or curtain projecting out onto either side of a proscenium stage, for concealing the wings and backstage from the audience.

We originally wanted to find the dictionary meaning of torment but it led us to tormentor and that's where my therapist had a sort of psychiatrist moment and really delved deep because of the mention of the theater curtains and my own real life experience in the theater and my continued passion to still do acting.  Our conversation about the tormentor's in the theater sense led us to a vision of the me in the audience and the me on the stage.  There's the me in the audience who's got really shitty seats and I can't see the stage, all I see is the tormentors concealing the backstage and I've been settling for these seats for so long that I'm afraid to stand up and demand better seats to my own fucking show.  But instead I just have continued to let the tormentors conceal my view, conceal my view of the me on stage.  In other words, those tormentors prevent me from seeing my future come to be, my passion come to be.  And the me on the stage hides behind those tormentors so I don't have to face my fears and go out onto the proscenium of that stage.

It's time to empower myself and get the good seats for the me in the audience and it's time to empower the me that's on the stage to step out from behind those tormentors because the me on the stage can't see beyond them.  And now, it's almost become safe hiding behind them because I haven't had to face the audience, which is other tormentors in my life and ultimately myself, to go after that passion no matter the price, no matter what I think may get in the way, no matter what problems I may face.

Performing is in my blood and unless you embalm me, that performing blood will always be running through my veins.  As the great Lady Gaga says, "I'm beautiful in my way, 'cause God makes no mistakes, I'm on the right track baby, I was born this way.  Don't hide yourself in regret, Just love yourself and you're set, I'm on the right track baby, I was born this way."  I'm not a huge Lady Gaga fan like I am a Jack White fan, but I do like her and enjoy her music once in awhile but mostly I think Lady Gaga is brilliant in her empowerment of who she is and not being afraid to be and love who she is and thus she empowers herself above and beyond.

I could learn something from her for empowering myself.  My tormentors have taken my own self, my passion and my power from me and I'm never gonna get any of that back until I refuse to stay sitting in those shitty seats I've settled for and say, "HEY! This is my fucking life and therefore my fucking show and I refuse to sit in these seats where all I see are the tormentors.  I want the me on stage to step out from behind those annoying tormentors that only cause me pain and get out onto the proscenium and I can enjoy the show (my life) FINALLY because I've got season tickets to this show!"  It's time to take back me.  It's time to take back my passion and it's time to take back my power from the tormentors.