The Strange Medley of Life - Deciding What Happens IN Us.

"You cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life.  But we can decide what happens in us...how we take it, what we can do with it...and that is what really counts in the end."  ~Joseph Fort Newton

It's the eve before my 32nd surgery and I'm having all sorts of emotions attacking me.  Mostly panic and nervousness and those emotions are mostly because of the four day splint situation I have to endure.  To have to just lie in bed for four days with my arms in splints so I can't feed myself, give myself something to drink and worst of all, not scratch itches I know I am going to have just because I can't scratch them myself, you know how that works.  If it weren't for having to be in splints for four days, I think I would probably have that same calmness come over me like in my previous surgery, #31 as I focus on the prayers that my family and friends are performing for me.

I think the quote above is a lovely quote and deals quite directly with my journey, anyone's journey for that matter. It is completely that we cannot tell what may happen TO us in life, but we can decide what happens IN us and from there, how we take it and what we do with it.  It is most important the decisions we choose to make for what happens IN us and by in us, I think Joseph Fort Newton is talking about our souls, our characters, even the character of our souls.  We have no control over life itself but what we do have control over is when something  happens to us, particularly something bad, we have the power to control the changes that happen withIN us and how we take it and what we do with it.  We can give up or we can power on even when all you want to do is give up.

There have been many days where all I've wanted to do was give up because I don't want to deal with all of this anymore.  I don't want to deal with the physical changes of my body or the pain or the dependence on my parents, my caregivers, to do things for me that I used to be able to do myself.  But the injury that I endured changed my character and my it changed my inner soul.  It changed how I deal with things and right now I'm still in the progress of working on how to deal with things and how I decide to take it.  A lot of people might tell you it's made me a stronger person beyond what they thought was possible in a person.  I don't know just how strong I really am but I wouldn't argue that I am stronger today than I ever was prior to my injury.  And I think I'm talking more physically here.  Emotionally I can be quite the wreck.  But still, with everything I've been through, with everything I go through on a day to day basis and with everything I face in my future in relation to my injury, I guess I have had the immense strength to not take my own life.  To stay alive and continue to go through the daily I hell I go through and go through times like the next four days and God knows what I may face after that.

So, tomorrow I face great pain and helplessness from the strange medley of life that happened to me but what I can control is what happens IN me, how I deal with it, how I take it and what I can do with it.  For tomorrow is going to build even more of my character, even more of my soul.