To Rise From My Ashes, Rebuild and Fly High

Even though I know what the Phoenix bird is, I decided to do some research to learn more about it.  So I read through quite a bit of different things and this is the best and simplest description I found: 

A phoenix is a mythical bird with a colorful plumage and a tail of gold and scarlet (or purple, blue, and green according to some legends). It has a 500 to 1000 year life-cycle, near the end of which it builds itself a nest of twigs that then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix or phoenix egg arises, reborn anew to live again. ~Wikipedia

I love the idea of a "colorful plumage and a tail of gold and scarlet." To me that gives the Phoenix some of it's character. To have a colorful plumage with a tail of gold and scarlet says to me that this bird is full of life and full of personality (the colorful plumage) yet has a refinement, a class about it (the gold and scarlet colors). I think that's a beautiful balance to have. I like to think maybe once I had such a balance, such parts to my character and personality but I fear the injury took much of that away from me. I think it comes out every once in awhile when I'm comfortable but that is a rarity - to be comfortable in places.


I find it interesting the part that says it builds itself a nest of twigs that then ignites and both nest and bird burn. To compare myself to the Phoenix, to be rising again from my ashes like the Phoenix, must mean that I also built a "nest" before my injury happened so that I destroyed much more than just my body.  Inside that nest was my career, my future, my friends, my family that I built before I burned up like the Phoenix (unfortunately literally) and died (figuratively) only to be reborn anew to live again and rebuild my nest.


But unlike the mythical Phoenix bird, the Phoenix human has much more to deal with when they are reborn because of the nest they created and burned, destroyed.  There is usually so much that is valuable in our nests that get destroyed in the process of the recreation of ourselves. In my research, the Phoenix bird rises from the ashes to become a younger version of itself prior to burning up.  But is there anything really more valuable in the nest that we built and then destroyed than our own life? That is truly what is most important when we think about what we lost in our nests. We may have destroyed our life, but we have not lost it. I almost died that night and I destroyed my entire nest, even my own body. I literally burned like the Phoenix and became nothing but ashes. But I finally awoke a month later with my life, my heart still beating in my chest and my lungs still inhaling and exhaling. I may have a lot of work to do to rebuild my nest with the twigs that I want and choose, but I did live to be reborn anew. I was given a fresh start. To say "fresh start" sounds, well, refreshing. But it has in fact been less so. It has been the most difficult thing I've had to do. But I have been blessed to be given it for I could have been given an urn instead.

So I must rise from my ashes like the beautiful mythical Phoenix bird and be reborn anew and rebuild my nest no matter how hard it may be.  No matter how hard it may be.  It is said that though fire burns the Phoenix to it's own ashes, fire cannot kill it.  Fire cannot destroy it.  The fire in my case may have destroyed me physically, but it did not destroy my soul though it may be damaged, and it did not kill me.  It reduced me to my own ashes but I will rise again.  I will rise again and I will fly high.