Feeling Broken

I sit here, quietly, with silent tears streaming down my cheeks and dripping off my chin to land softly on my shirt.  There are so many things I cry for but mostly for how the accident has changed my life, the scars that cover my body and face.  I also cry for the contractures that never let up and limit my mobility.  I feel broken in both body and heart.  It's times like these that I do wish I had not made it, as bad as that sounds.  What would life be like now, without me almost four years later?  I think it would be the hardest on my family around the date of the accident and maybe days like my birthday and holidays.  But I think as time went on, they would be fine.  I think my friends would be fine.  Life would go on without me and I wouldn't have had to suffer through all this physical and emotional pain all these years.  How would my family remember me?  How would my friends remember me?  Will my life turn out to be worth having lived through such a horrific accident?  Or will a part of me always wish the fire had taken me?  I fear the anger and anguish will never completely go away and thus I will never fully be at peace.