My 30th Birthday

Well, it's my birthday.  I am 30 years old today and I actually do feel it in a weird way.  But I also feel ready for my 30's, not like I really did any preparations but I feel a natural readiness for them.  When I think about it, I went through a lot in my 20's and I'm just ready to move past them.  I graduated from college, moved to Portland for a short time before taking the leap to New York where I gained more life experience than I think I was ready for, had my accident and been through 32 surgeries and all that goes with a very difficult recovery from a near death accident.  That's a lot to take in in 10 years and in your 20's.  I still have a tough and long recovery ahead of me but it feels almost refreshing to leave the 20's behind me.  They come close to being qualified as disastrous.

Everyone has been telling me how awesome the 30's are and I'm actually looking forward to them.  Maybe it's because of the hype of how awesome they are or maybe it's because they can't possibly be worse than my 20's were.  Or maybe it's both.  I think it's both.  I learned this morning also that it is the Chinese New Year and it's the year of the dragon, which means strength and luck so I'm trying to think optimistically that this is going to be a great year.  I'm going to be stronger in my recovery as well as emotionally and wondrous luck will fall upon me opening  up a whole new world of possibilities for my future as well as my present.  I'm hoping for that anyway.

Most of the morning my Facebook page exploded with birthday wishes and it made my heart happy and put a smile on my face with each and every one.  But there's one in particular I want to share with you and leave you with.  I have been described as one of the most real persons people know.  I'm not fake in my personality or my feelings and I don't hold back.  This little story has to do with that:


"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but Really loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get all loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."


Thank you to my dear, dear friend, Jessie, for sharing that with me today and for giving me such a sincere compliment. My whole body may be marred with ugly scars and I may not recognize or like what I see in the mirror anymore "but these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." I know there are a lot of people who don't understand yet and maybe they never will but I think there are far more people who do, more people who see a bold Realness to me that transforms my scars into something beautiful.  

Happy Birthday to me.