I realize I haven't written very much this month. Not a very good start to the new year. I kinda feel like my creative mind is being strangled with a new medication I'm on. The new medication has certainly helped with other problems but it has most certainly affected my creativity. I have written quite a bit in my private journal, the journal where I purge all my anger and frustrations but those are quite personal so I don't want to share those. Then I was also sick all last week so I wasn't in the mood to do much of anything let alone blogging.
So how has my new year been treating me so far? Well, it's been rather uneventful. I am frustrated with some things right now, one of them being my body and the contractures that I can feel setting in. As I wrote about, I tore my left axilla during a stretching exercise so I haven't been able to do a lot of stretching and even in the time, I feel tighter and more constricted. Why? Why must my body heal this way? It is beyond frustrating. One of the things that I think would help me is if my whole body were massaged EVERY DAY and then stretched and then massaged AGAIN. I need to get back into physical therapy but it's hard for a burn survivor in this town to get the proper treatment. That's something I'm going to look into as a goal for 2012 - getting the proper professional physical therapy to battle my contractures.
My diabetes was touch and go there for a couple days when I started another new medication. One day I had three diabetic attacks. In ONE day! That was tough. I've done better but I've also lost my appetite due to these medications which is good in one way - helps me to lose weight - but it's bad for my diabetes cause if I don't eat, my glucose levels can drop dramatically. So I have to force myself to eat meals.
Another frustration is waiting on my doctor to call me to schedule a surgery date. I'm trying to work on my patience as part of one of my resolutions but he's definitely testing it by waiting this long. It's now been a month since I had my last appointment where he said he would get on scheduling a surgery date. So I called yesterday to nudge him a bit and talked to his MA and she said so far nothing has been scheduled yet but she saw some notes on his desk about me so he's working on it. When I saw him a month ago, he said he was waiting to hear back from a couple other doctors about their ideas on what to do with my lip and mouth but come on, that was a month ago! Let's get this scheduled already cause I want this one done! I've been waiting a long time to get my lip fixed and the time has finally come so I'm ready and waiting! Waiting and waiting and waiting....
And on a last note, my 30th birthday is next Monday. I can't believe I'm going to be 30. Leaving my 20's behind. They weren't that great anyway so I'm hoping my 30's will blow my 20's out of the water. So far, no plans for my birthday.
1 comment:
I have been reading your blog for the last six months. It is very inspirational to me. Your story is not one of those inspirational books of one who has overcome incredible odds and come out shiny and happy at the end. Your story is much more real. One of constant struggle, every morning you wake up and there it is. It is of a real, honest person who at times is defeated. But you are still there, still trying to figure things out make sense of life, still trying to find happiness. And while your struggles are more than most people, nobody’s life is perfect. There is no American dream; life is a constant struggle, which is why rich people aren’t necessarily happy.
I know exactly where you are coming from with the 30 and still-single-feelings. According to movies and societal standards this is not the ideal. However, the truth of the matter is that life is not simple like that. Having a significant other does not necessarily bring fulfillment or happiness. Many people that are married feel just as alone as you do now. Of course ideally both of us would be married to our soul mates, we would be successful, have our houses, and be happy as can be. I love movies with happy endings. I know my situation does not even come close to the challenges you have faced, and are currently facing. I also know that life is unfair to some, but this does not mean that you cannot find happiness.
My grandmother passed away last December. Much of her life I never even knew about, until after her passing. I cannot believe the things that she had to endure, and yet she was always happy. I do not know how you feel about horribly depressing stories with only minor triumphs, but I’ll be doing a full write-up in my blog in the next few days. I’m certainly not going to go into it right now. I hope you find happiness in today at least, and ultimately happiness in the rest of your life.
Post a Comment