Monday, August 8, 2011

The Darkness Before The Light

"Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong.  No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always gotten there first, and is waiting for it."  ~Terry Pratchett

I have done a lot of blog posts around quotes and I think this is one of the most brilliant I have heard.  How can you possibly disagree with this?  Light may think it travels faster than anything, but the darkness is always there first, it always beats the light for doesn't everyone tell anyone who's in a dark place (no pun intended) that "it is always dark before the light."

Let's talk about darkness in terms of depression.  The term, "depression" gets thrown around a lot with people.  You've heard it from every friend you've had at one time or another and even yourself: "I'm so depressed."  But depression is a serious thing and a very real, scientifically proven chemical alteration in the brain.  So many people say that phrase, "I'm depressed," and not realizing what a serious term they are using. We've all done it.  We don't mean any harm by using it that way.  But we need to realize what a serious thing depression really is and stop throwing it around so casually.  There are so many different words in our vast English vocabulary, don't forget slang, that we could use instead because it is almost slightly insulting to those people who are truly, clinically depressed, who's brain chemicals are imbalanced.  It's like making their depression smaller when it's a great, powerful darkness consuming their body, environment and worst of all, their mind.  So challenge yourself to find other words to describe how you're feeling instead of "depression" so that we don't lessen the power of that word for a clinically depressed person.

To put it in perspective, this is much like the debate over being politically correct over using the word "retard."  Some people think that political correctness is overrated, dramatic and getting too serious over things.  I agree that there are some phrases that people get a little too crazy over being politically correct about but I think "retard" is a perfect example of misusing "depressed" and being politically correct about it.  How would you feel, if your IQ was below 70 therefore qualifying you as "retarded" and you're constantly hearing friends say to each other, "You're so retarded," or "That was such a retarded thing to do."  Sure, they aren't saying it to hurt you or offend you by saying that whatever that person may have said is something that only retards say or what they did is something retards do. But what if that person of that lower IQ is thinking, "that's what people like me say and do?"  Of course, we don't use the word "retard" much anymore because it really is an offensive word so we have become politically correct by saying, "mentally challenged," or "mentally handicapped."  But, just for this exercise, let's keep using it as an example to get my point across.  Now transfer our example of using the word "retard" in your sentences to describe a person of normal intelligence or higher for something they said or did to using "depressed" to describe how you or a friend or a family member is feeling who really doesn't have a true, clinical depression and think about what a clinically depressed person feels like.  While you're hanging around a friend who is depressed and you are having a bad day or maybe even a week and say, "man, I am so depressed.  I gained 5 lbs over the holidays," are you really depressed?  Or can you say something else like, "I am so frustrated I gained 5 lbs when I told myself I was going to watch what I ate this season," or "I'm upset with myself."  what do you think that friend who is really clinically depressed is thinking when they've gained 15 lbs and that's not even what they were depressed about to begin with?!  So now you've added just another something to their list of reasons to write that suicide note and follow through.  Many times, actually, clinically depressed people don't really have any specific reasons for why they are depressed.  It's all a chemical imbalance in their brain.  So sometimes, if that's the case, those people will adopt your same reasons for why you're saying your depressed because there's a lot of pressure, believe it or not, to list off the reasons why you say you're depressed.  Not a lot of people are educated on depression and don't know that sometimes, a person can just be depressed and say, "I don't know," because it's all a chemical imbalance in the brain.

Depression is a serious thing and must be handled appropriately.  More than not, medication is needed to help correct that imbalance but there is also the belief in the combination of both medication and natural antidepressants.  In that case, a person needs the medication to start getting that chemical imbalanced straightened out so they feel better, so they feel like finally getting out of bed or out of the house and then adding those natural antidepressants like being outside, going for a walk, a hike, spending time with friends, etc.  Often with that combination, a person can pull out of a depression but it may not always go away.  Depression is a nasty thing in that it can continue to follow you like a black cloud just waiting for you to fall again so it can storm down on you again.  And when that happens, it's awful and it takes a lot of understanding from family and friends.

Depression is a darkness.  It's that darkness that Terry Pratchett talks about.  There are many other examples of the darkness he quotes but for now, because of how I'm feeling, I'm using depression.  That darkness can be a very powerful thing and it can be quick, very quick.  It can be there before you even feel it coming on.  And you think you can fight it, beat it with the light but it's just not fast enough.  Suddenly there you are in the darkness and it has a powerful grip.  The light is naive that it thinks it's fast enough to get there before the darkness and save you.  Often times this "light" comes in the form of faith, a spiritual experience, or simply incredible will power to fight the darkness and get out.  But sometimes there are people, like myself, who don't have those kind of tools like faith because it is being tested and tried so the "light" for people like me comes in the form of family and friends who help fight the darkness with you and fight to shine their beautiful lights into your darkness like the rays of the sun that shine through holes in a storm cloud.  But before we find that wonderful, warming light, we are first consumed by the cold and powerful grip of darkness.  It is always there first.  It always beats the light and is waiting for it.

2 comments:

Emily Thomas said...

I loved this post SB. After I had Nathan, I had postpartum depression. I refer to his first three months as 'the dark days of summer' because I was miserable. The way you describe how people casually use the term 'depression' is how I feel when people casually use the term 'colic'. Nathan was a colicky baby and that only added to my darkness. When I started taking anti-depressants it felt as if the darkness was fading away. Things were still tough, but they were better. Those pills saved my life. Before them I was in such a dark place and I wanted to end it all. Depression is real and it is not a casual thing. Kudos on this post. You do such a good job of putting things I have thought about into words.

Anonymous said...

hi,
i just want to give you a huge hug of encouragement. i stumbled on your blog and started reading it. you really hit my heart with your story. i wish i could do something for you, something to cheer you up, but i can't. so just this little comment. I wanted to let you know that you moved my heart, your so beautiful inside and outside. don't worry about those scars, you've got such a beautiful smile and sparkling eyes. don't worry about your life and future, stay strong and go to nashville one day, visit third man records and maybe you'll meet jack white III

take care of your heart