Clay came over late yesterday afternoon to tell me himself before I heard it from someone else or somewhere else. And when he told me I cried my eyes out. I cried and cried and cried. And even after he left, I continued crying. I just couldn't stop. You see, these two friends were the rocks of my "friend life." My mother, of course, is my main rock, but Clay and Jen were the rocks outside my family. They were the ones that pretty much were the only ones who invited me out, to either just hang out, go to some kind of party, or something just to get me out of the house cause they knew how important that was to my recovery.
I can't tell you how important these two friends are to me. In fact, I consider them more than my friends, I consider them my family. When they leave, I don't know how I'll function and by that I mean, how I'll get out of the house besides on the weekend for errands with my mother. Now I know I didn't always go when I was invited because I'm often tired or on recovery from a surgery or just plain embarrassed to be seen by whoever is going to be there, but the point is they never gave up on me, they never stopped inviting me out and if I didn't go, they never got mad at me, they understood why.
And then there's the other matter, that Clay was my Pastor and we often had many conversations online about my troubles. Now I know I will still be able to do that but I will not have access to him in person. I'm so scared I will never see them again. I'm scared I'll never see their beautiful smiles again, hear their laughter, feel their heartfelt hugs and their soulful love for me again. I know I may be exaggerating there but I'm scared, that's how I feel. I know I'm supported by many of my friends and widely supported by my followers here on this blog so don't think I've forgotten about you or think you less important in my life. It's just these two were so special to me in so many ways. How does one get over such a loss of close friendship?
I will miss you, Clay and Jen, so very, very much. I love you dearly and you are near and dear to my heart and soul. Though I do not want you to leave, I wish you the best in this new adventure of your life.