Not Giving The Fire Another Moment of My Life.

I have a routine, a boring routine, in the morning where I watch the local news early in the morning, then the Today show later and then Anderson at 11:00.  I love the Anderson show and today was a repeat of an earlier show that I had not seen so it was new to me despite it being an older show but there was a guest on that gave some very inspiring advice.  Elizabeth Smart was on via satellite and she had just recently gotten married and Anderson asked her about something her mother had said to her after she came home from being kidnapped.  She said her mother told her (in more or less words) that "this man took 9 months from you....Don't let him take another minute, another moment from you.  Be happy, live your life.  Don't let him win the rest of your life."  I think that is AMAZING words of advice in a trauma, no matter what the trauma is.  I can apply it to my own life.  The fire originally took four months from my life until I came home and so far it has taken now four years with doctor appt after doctor appt, surgery after surgery, hospital stay after hospital stay.  I think it's time that I don't let the fire take anymore of me or my time in my life.  Obviously there are gonna be times where it will take time with surgeries and hospital stays but I'm talking emotionally, mentally.  It may take me physically but it's time that it not take anymore time from me mentally or emotionally.  It has taken more than four years so far.  How much more am I gonna allow it to take from my life?  From me?  There's a great lesson to be learned and taken from Elizabeth Smart's mother who was so insightful when she told her daughter that piece of advice.  It's an amazing piece of advice that I just can't ignore it.  Yet, I know I will give in to the fire a few days here and there because it's just too impossible to ignore what a fire can do to you not only physically, especially in my case with my contractures, but also emotionally when you used to have a life and now you have to live a new life that you're not used to, that's not what was in your life plan.  I mean, I just got done with a surgery in June for bad neck contractures and I just saw my surgeon yesterday and he couldn't believe what he saw when he looked at my neck where he just did surgery.  It had contracted so bad that it's actually worse than before he did surgery.  And that's no fault of his.  It's just the way my body heals, which is not good.  So he immediately began paperwork to go forward with another surgery on the exact same place he just did surgery on plus surgery on the backs of my axillas (armpit area).  So I'm highly disappointed in my neck and what my surgeon had to say about it cause he couldn't believe it either.  I looked at him with tears in my eyes not yet falling over my eyelids and told him I can't believe it's worse than it was before the surgery and he put his hand on my knee, looked at me and said, "we will continue to move forward and work on anything that needs to be worked on as long as you're willing to continue on."  I, of course, through tears in my eyes, nodded and said, "yes, I'm with you all the way."  It was a hard doctor appt cause he just couldn't believe how bad I had contracted and how soon after the surgery I have to go back in for the same surgery on fresh wounds.

But watching Anderson today and listening to Elizabeth Smart and what her mother said to her can be applied to anyone who has been through a trauma, whether it's been by a human being as in Elizabeth's case, or fire, as in my case.  There's nothing worse than giving in to the trauma you've been through.  But to rise above it, to rise from the ashes, and not give it another emotional or mental minute of your time, of your life, is an ultimate success in your life.  And it's something that I need to learn because there are many days where I give in to what the fire took from me. I can't help it.  But I need to learn to help it and not give it another minute of my life.  I need to rise above it and move on and find what is worth it in my life to give my full attention to.