Thursday, November 17, 2011

Checking In

I know I haven't written in awhile but things have been tough again.  I hate saying that..."things have been tough again," like I just cycle through these good and bad times like a fun time on the roller coaster ride at the carnival.  But it's not a fun ride.  Right now I'm upset over a few things and they're hard to get over.  I feel powerless over the situation but once again, I must empower myself to rise above the occasion, demand better seats to my own show because right now I'm being very meek.  Meek in my own life and that's pathetic.  I watch days go by only to wake up and watch another one go by just like the one before it.  It reminds me of this quote, "Tomorrow, you promise yourself, will be different, yet, too often, tomorrow is a repetition of today."  (Quote by James T. McCay)  I always promise myself that tomorrow will be different but it never seems to go that way.  I struggle and I struggle but it always feels like one step forward two steps back. I stretch everyday and every hour to combat the contractures that so desperately want to set into my joints and make permanent camp until the next surgery.  All this physical therapy is so tiring.  I'm constantly fighting my body to reach higher or look up at the ceiling with greater ease and not to mention the splints I have to wear at night while I sleep. Since my injury, nothing has come easy and I'm plagued by pain almost every day.  I have become the model for others who contract like I do.  PT's and OT's and doctors will say, "he/she contracts like Sarah."  That's not exactly the model I wanted to be.

On a more positive note, I had a really great post-op appointment this last Tuesday.  Garrett and Steve were astonished at how well I had healed and was healing, not to mention so was I.  They were very excited about my healing and how everything took so well on these two latest surgeries.

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