Thursday, February 9, 2012

Scars

"There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature.  A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with."  ~Harry Crews

When I post a quote it's usually to agree with it but this quote I found makes me believe this American novelist never met a burn survivor.  That is not to say the scars are not beautiful in some way, but it does not mean the hurt is over or done with.  The wound may literally be closed and healed but scars like I have from a burn and so many surgeries does not mean the hurt is over or done with.  Something remains.  For me, what remains is both physical and emotional.  What remains physically is of course the battle against contractures and scar bands.  What remains emotionally is a whole slew of hurt from the wound that I believe never truly heals.  It may heal mostly but there will always be an underlying emotional scar that you'll never quite get over the hurt from it.  Some emotional scars will heal and close all the way  but there are certain emotional scars like those that come from a serious injury or loss that never quite stop hurting.  I don't believe in the saying, "Time heals all wounds." Time doesn't heal ALL wounds, maybe some, or most.  But not ALL.  

Every time I look at my skin, my scars, I am always reminded of that night and the months in the hospital and years of surgeries that followed the accident.  I can't escape it.  And I can't escape the hurt I feel when I look at them.  It's like looking at a shattered world and shattered dreams.  Many people find scars sexy but I don't have "sexy" scars.  "Sexy" scars come from a bicycle accident or a knife or even a bullet and sometimes a little scar from a surgery.  But scars that cover your whole body and in different stages of healing so they're different colors, are not considered "sexy" scars.  But maybe someday I'll be able to see my scars as something beautiful because they make the statement, "I survived."  Maybe someday.

"God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas, but for scars."  ~Elbert Hubbard

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