I've been up all night with morphine withdrawals. Since I have been completely off the morphine there have been good and bad days. And yesterday was a bad day and last night it only got worse. During the day yesterday I was irritable and tired and then last night I was having physical withdrawals keeping me from falling asleep which I so desperately just wanted to sleep cause I'm so tired. Not to mention my mind is swarming with broken thoughts that I can't shut off. Now it is early, early morning, like 3am, and I'm up because the physical withdrawals have kept me from sleep all night. Oh my God, how horrible these withdrawals can be. It's going to create another bad day because I got no sleep last night. I've been off the morphine about two weeks and I'm still going through withdrawals. What a demon of a drug.
"But there are dreams that cannot be, and there are storms we cannot weather. I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living...Now life has killed the dream, I dream."
That famous musical line runs through my head so often in those broken thoughts I spoke of earlier. I wonder if my dreams will ever be. I wonder if my dreams will be one of those dreams that cannot be and I wonder if I'll be able to weather this shit storm I've been living. I once had a dream that my life would be so very different from this hell that I'm living. I dreamed of love and success. But life had other plans and so has killed the dream I dreamed. Now I just hope to get through each day. What kind of life is that? It certainly wasn't the one I used to live. I never felt more alive walking through the streets of Manhattan., wherever I was going, but especially when I was going to an audition. I don't feel alive anymore. Well...
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