Do-Overs

I was thinking, you know when we were kids and we had "do-overs?" Well I was thinking, as I said, that I wished I had a major do-over for my LIFE. So much I wish I could do-over with my life. I wish things had turned out differently in the end in New York City. And most of all I wish I could do-over the major event that happened three years ago that changed my life forever. But this is a kind of do-over that I can't have.

I had a doctor appointment yesterday and I always have a lot of time to think on the car ride over and back. And so many thoughts were swirling around in my head, as always. And that's when I got to thinking about do-overs, among many other things. I'm tired of wanting things to be different in my life, to HAVE been different in the past. I just want a do-over, like we got to have when we were kids. It doesn't seem fair that as we get older, we no longer get those do-overs cause it's not that simple anymore. It's f'ing complicated and do-overs do not do complicated.

So, is there anyway that I can fix this life of mine? I don't know what to do anymore. There are days when I feel good and think I can do this, make it through all of this. And then there are the days when I don't know how I'm going to make it through all of this, when I'm closing my eyes as tears run down my hot cheeks wishing desperately for that do-over that I will never get because do-overs are for children playing games.