Today I had a scary thing happen to me and its gonna sound so stupid to you but I fell. I went out to take my dog for a walk and I fell down. This is so scary for me because I have limited mobility and I am unable to brace myself or prepare myself for impact as a normal person does. My arms are hindered by scar tissue. So when I fell I couldn't brace myself properly and really hurt myself tearing some of the scar tissue in my shoulder.
I felt so stupid and so angry that I started crying. I feel like an older person having to be aware of my step so as not to fall and break a hip, well, in my case, tear scar tissue or anything more serious. I hate my limited mobility. It prevents me from doing the simplest of things. I still can't take a shower on my own cause I can't reach up to wash my own hair. My parents have to get a cup down from the cupboard for me so I can get something to drink. Everything in my room is low so I can reach what I need. I still can't put on my own pants or even underwear! because my arms are not flexible enough in the joint to reach down far enough to get my feet through. Do you have any idea how embarassing it is at 28 to have to be completely naked in front of your parent so they can help cream your burns and dress you? You feel so low.
I have even on occassion had to do this with my father because my mother was unable to take me to Portland for a doctor's appointment! Talk about embarassment. Having your father help you put your underwear on. There were even times when I was first released from the hospital and still very weak that I needed help sitting down on the toilet cause I wasn't strong enough in the legs yet to lower myself down. So once again, times when my mother was unable to go down to Portland, I had to have help from my father to be lowered down on the toilet.
I used to be a big runner and work out a lot but I am limited now to just walking because of the scar tissue in my arms prevent me from doing any kind of weight lifting. And I mean I was really big into working out and keeping lean and thin and now I've been reduced to walking.
So be thankful you can do the simplest of things like washing your own hair and putting on your own underwear and pants because there are people out there that can't, and I'm one of them. And I cry a lot.
3 comments:
You paint a profoundly clear picture of what your everyday life if like, Sarah. As much as it hurts to read, I'm so thankful you are illuminating me to your suffering. It helps me know how to pray.
How scary! I think that you have really helped peoples eyes to be opened. I know that I take things like that for granted. It makes me sad that you have to go through this, but on the other hand I am grateful because it means you are alive! And what a blessing that is! Just remember that this is all temporary! In time, you will be doing amazing things again.
P.S- If you ever need a walking buddy.....let me know. I would love to go with you!
First, I think you should take Sharae up on her offer as a walking partner.
Second, wow, you certainly paint a clear picture of the frustrations, embarrassments you have to go through in every day life! Mobility will improve with time, and I'm confident you will be able to dress/shower yourself again.
On a light note, wouldn't go go Gadget arms come in so handy?
I'm not sure if it would work or not, but as far as being able to put on your own underwear/pants, would some sort of lengthy grabber (like custodians use to pick up trash, etc without having to bend over) work? How about something that has clips on the end like suspenders? You could clip them to your pants, etc. then use the suspenders to pull them up?
Anyway, just a couple of thoughts.
p.s. this is probably the most silly post you have received on your blog lol.
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