Stand Tall and Fight

I am getting anxious again for my next surgery. I always get this way as every surgery approaches because I'm always very afraid that I will wake up with complications given the history I have of that. I am so tired of surgeries yet, in a way, surgeries have been the next steps to reclaiming my life so I have to be brave and couragous and face every upcoming surgery in the eyes and not be afraid. But I am afraid.

I must say, however, how lucky I am to have the kind of support system that I have. I have, for the first time in my life, real, true friends. Friends who would never stab me in the back but rather have my back. Friends who are so concerned that they want my mom to report to them as soon as she knows how the surgery went cause they can't wait for me to wake up to find out. Friends who want to be around me and miss me when I'm not. Friends who truly love me as much as I love them.

In the past month I have found a new one of those friends. He is the friend that I talked about that we went to college together and all along never knowing we grew up together in a different city when we were younger. We have come to be very good friends and I adore him. I have yet to see him, however, though I dearly want to see him and hang out finally after all our chatting online, texting and phone calls. But I am just not ready to see him as I am not ready to see a lot of people yet.

So, I must be brave. I must muster up the courage to not be afraid of this upcoming surgery. But it is so hard when you are so alone. I know I have my family and those friends I talked about but I don't have the companionship that I have talked about in previous blogs that I dearly long for. Fight Sarah, you must stand up tall and fight. Keep fighting.