Up Early With A Bum Shoulder And Some Thoughts

I was tossing and turning for quite some time early this morning, unable to get comfortable to sleep so I finally gave up and got up.  It's 4am.  This isn't the first time I've been up at this hour because of pain and it always makes me feel like an old lady - nothing against old ladies and getting up early.  In fact, I don't mind being up this early if I've gone to bed early though.  It's quiet in the house and I get to see the morning turn from dark to light outside.  I have about two hours of peace when I get up this early cause once it hits 6am, everyone is up getting ready for work and the TV is on with the news.  But I'm up this early because of my shoulder.  It's also a little unfortunate that I can't really get the coffee pot started till 5:30 cause it would just be too early otherwise.  So I have to wait a little over an hour now for some hot coffee.  Meanwhile, it's a hot rice bag on my shoulder to ease the pain and discomfort and writing.

I have started wearing my collar again in the morning hours till lunch.  Not the Watusi yet, because of the skin necrosis, but the soft collar at least.  It still does some good, despite how uncomfortable it starts to get.  I still have not heard from G and am starting to get anxious and antsy about it.  I'd like to get the use of my arm back but since the clean MRI, no one seems to be in a hurry about it.  I know G was in surgery all day Monday and Tuesdays are not always his best days for clinic since he's sometimes over at the wound care clinic at the OBC so he may not have seen my email yet.  But he's definitely in on Thursdays so maybe I will hear today and if not by this morning I may give another call.

A good friend of mine posted this below to my facebook wall on my five year anniversary and I thought it was perfect for what I am going through on this journey.  I think I have a tendency to shield myself from certain things, both beauty and terror like things.  But, that's not what life is about.  Just let it all happen to you - the beauty and the terror and feel it all.  I think I already do feel everything but there are some feelings I don't want to allow myself to feel but I must just let myself feel them.  Most of all, no matter what happens to me, whether it be a beautiful thing or a terrifying thing, I must keep going.  See the beauty with my eyes and heart wide open and slog through the mud of terror but keep on keepin' on.  I admire the Brits in that way.  They have a very stiff upper lip by nature when it comes to shit happening.  Keep calm and carry on.  Let everything happen to you and just keep going.