Being in a Coma

I was life-flighted out to Legacy Emanuel hospital in Portland Oregon when I was injured. First of all, it was a miracle I made it that far because the paramedics could not get a tube down my throat to keep me breathing so after several attempts, they had to fall back to manually air-bagging me. And they had to do this the entire way to Portland, which is nearly impossible.

After my emergency surgeries to remove the burn and graft on cadaver skin I was in a coma and I stayed in a coma for about a month. And I have myself many times, do I believe in a heaven? Because I don't remember a single thing. The brain is so amazingly powerful that I almost left my body so that I wouldn't feel the pain of burning fire on skin. And still to this day, my brain has protected me from remembering the accident. But what happened after I slipped into a coma? Did I see or even hear a higher power. Did I see other souls? Did I see angels? What happened during that month?

One of my best friends' mother has an interesting take on what happens to someone in the kind of situation I was in, where I could die. She believes that there is some kind of heaven, whether you want to call it a heaven or not. But she believes that there are other souls up there who have been important influences in our life we see. And what happens when we see them is there is a discussion about whether it is my time to stay with them and with the higher power, or if it is not time and I must go back. The reason I would stay is if I and/or the souls and higher power were satisfied with what I had done on Earth. The reason I would go back is if there was still something for me to do, people for me to influence, lessons yet to be learned. And she believes that those souls spoke to me, showed me my life and my future life and that there was a reason for my life on Earth and I had not achieved it yet so I must go back. And so I did. A month later I awoke.

Another question I have is do people in comas hear you when you talk to them. Do they feel you when you hold your hand. Many nurses and doctors say they can so it helps a lot to talk to them as if they were awake. And the nurses always talked to me like I could hear them. Well let me tell you, I didn't hear a thing, I didn't feel a thing and I didn't see anything. My mother, however tells me, that she was talking to me and holding my hand one day and I squeezed it, and I really squeezed it. There was no doubt that it was a muscular jerk. So did I really hear and feel her and my mind has blocked all senses from me. I wish I remember hearing or feeling her, or my father when he stood at my bedside and recited prayers. But I heard nothing. I felt nothing. I saw nothing. No dreams. No souls. No Heaven. No God.

So what happens to someone in a coma? Do they really experience souls and heaven and God but are not allowed to remember it? I know people who have had near death life experiences where they say they "saw the light" or "floated above their body". Well, I may not have had a near death life experience like that where my heart actually stopped but I was dying on my way to Portland and I didn't see or hear anything.

And that makes me sad. I would truly feel better about surviving the accident if I had some kind of experience with any of those things because it would make sense for my living. I had all the odds against me that night, especially on the life-flight to Portland where they had to manually air-bag me. And yet I lived. Why? Did I meet those souls and they sent me back because I wasn't ready, as my friends' mother believes? Or is there nothing? It is a very lonely feeling to believe that there is nothing so I want to believe so much in her idea. That I met souls and perhaps even a higher power that night on my way to the hospital, and perhaps my grandmother was one of them (whom I was extremely close to and who died on my birthday). I must try to believe in the latter or my surviving will make no sense. I should not have lived. The doctors have expressed many times they don't know how I lived. They all say I should have died that night with how badly I was injured and the remote area I was living in and that they had to manually get me to breath the entire way there. But I survived and there must be something yet for me to learn or better yet, something yet for me to do and I would like to hope that that something left to do is be a performer, to entertain. Because that has been my dream since I was a little girl and I have felt it was my destiny. So if I had a "conversation" or what have you with any souls/angels/higher power up there and they returned me, I want to believe that was one of the reasons because I lost hope that I would ever achieve my dreams when I awoke and later understood what happened to me and how badly. But why, why can't I remember anything? It is one of the things that drives me the most crazy about my accident.