When I first came home from the hospital I asked my parents that my life is going to be very hard and that I am going to be depressed, upset, aggrivated, annoyed, and short tempered sometimes. What I needed most from them besides their support was their patience. That if I get one of the ways, it really has nothing to do with them other then they were the catalyst to the emotion that was already boiling inside of me.
Well this morning, I had one of those moments where I got snappy with my mother for just a millisecond and she got really huffy with me and made a comment that she always has to walk on eggshells around me. This just made me even angrier because that is simply not true. I do my best everyday to be tolerable to my post-accident life and not to take out any emotions on my parents. And almost always I succeed in keeping my frustrations to myself, even though sometimes that means just being very quiet so those boiling emotions don't rise to the surface.
But why can't they be patient with me? I went through a horrible accident! I don't want my mother to feel like she's walking on eggshells around me because I may be a bear sometimes. I just want her to say, "I'm so sorry you're feeling that way and I understand." And sometimes she does but so much she just doesn't give me the patience I ask for.
I love her dearly and don't get me wrong cause she is very patient but I think her patience is disguised by this "walking on eggshells" attitude like I'm a time bomb waiting to go off at any moment. I need people to understand how devastating this accident has been for me, let alone any burn accident for anyone. It's horrible and upsetting and I fall into heavy depression and get angry a lot because I'm surrounded by people who didn't have the kind of accident I did. People who are beautiful and not scarred. My friends who are living up their lives; living on their own, own their own car and apartment or house. I had all of this and it was taken away from me in a second. I don't know when I'll ever get to have those same things, or simply to live on my own again. I'm almost 28 and I live at home with aging parents. Now you tell me, with all that going on in my life and my head, do I not have a reason to be a bear and upset sometimes? Do I not deserve patience?
1 comment:
In some ways you are fortunate to be going through this VERY difficult time with your parents,and not with a husband. The divorce rate for marriages with a chronic health condition is 75%! You are going through hell on earth right now, and you are going through it with your parents. When this terrible time is over you can then get involved in an intimate love relationship while you are on more of an even keel, and not totally preocupied with recovering from your devistating burns. I have no doubt an injury like yours would stress a husband/wife relationship to the MAX. Jay and I have been in marriage counceling ever since my overdose over a year ago. We've come out of my eight years of illness with a stronger marriage then before, but we are one of the lucky ones. Although I don't believe in luck. I give the Lord the credit! We also have a terrific therapist, Jane Kusaka. I pray for you daily, Sarah.
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