Well, I got my official "questions-for-surgery" call from the hospital so I guess Thundercats are go...yeah, I know, I already quoted that on my Facebook but I had to do it again. It's for real this time, no rescheduling now, thank God, or whomever.
So it's getting close to time...3 more days and 2 until we leave. I'm excited but scared and nervous at the same time, like I always am. Don't get me wrong, I want this surgery, I just don't have a very good track record with "successful surgeries" and by "successful" I mean everything going according to plan and nothing going wrong. My body does not like to go along with what the doctors want it to do. So that's where the nervous and scared emotions come from. The excited emotions are at the prospect of making progress. But then when I think about that, the nervous and scared emotions kick in again because progress for me is hard to get. For example, I've had three and two previous releases on my right and left axillas respectively and so far my mobility and range of motion has not improved much thus why I'm having them released a fourth and third time. So I want to be excited and think that my range of motion and mobility is going to be so much better. But then I think about my history with these releasing surgeries and I get somewhat depressed. I worry that my percentage of loss from my percentage of gain will be large, as it usually is. I'm tired of healing poorly. I'm tired of battling contractures everyday, every hour.
It's so hard to be positive going into these surgeries with my history not just on the operating table, but the recovery afterwards as well. I have an unusually hard time recovering, which is why I stay in the hospital sometimes a little longer than usual. And a lot of it has to do with my pain. They have the hardest time trying to get my pain under control. I've been on pain meds for so long now that it takes more than they want to give to get my pain down. Surgeons are weird about pain medications. Many of them just aren't schooled enough on proper pain management so they get nervous about giving more. But maybe this recovery will be different after my PCP had a talk with Dr. Rice who then had a talk with Garrett about my pain meds and hopefully the message was relayed that I have an extremely high tolerance and it's OK to give me more pain meds as long as I'm not showing any respiratory depression, slurred speech or being super sleepy. So we'll see how my pain management goes in the hospital this time around.
I hate to do this again but there are things that either insurance doesn't cover OR only covers so much a month and it just isn't enough for how much wound care I require so if you are in the position, I stress IF YOU ARE IN THE POSITIION TO HELP, it is so greatly appreciated if you can. I have a wishlist on Amazon and what is needed most is gloves, the size 10 and size 8 netting (size 10 would be good right now because I'll be needing to make "t-shirts" out of them for my chest wound care but size 8 will also be needed for my arms) and particularly the mesh gauze netting that is new on there. Also are things for me to do/watch while I'm in what will be a heavy recovery just sitting around healing for awhile. So if things are hard for you right now and you just can't afford to help, it is silently understood by us and we don't think any less of you. But if you can, it's just so appreciated I can't put into words how much it means to us to have the help and support that has been given by so many of you. Again, to look at my wishlist and maybe get something off of there for us, go to www.amazon.com (it's also located on my sidebar towards the top) and enter my email address: jag1975@ymail.com. Over on the right of the items on the list will explain why that item is on there and why we need it and how many of it we need. If there is no quantity number listed, we just need the one! Thank you again for those who have us in your prayers and thoughts and those who have been able to contribute. This is going to be a major surgery so prayers and thoughts are so very appreciated. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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