Trapped

BEING TRAPPED By Alaine M. Coyle

I am trapped inside a nightmare I cannot wake up from

A past that can’t be rewritten or mistakes undone

No matter what I do or how hard I try and fight

My regrets wrap themselves around me every night

This pain surrounds me like an iron cage

I weep and I scream and I fill with rage

A helpless feeling keeps coming over me

As I search in vain for a way to be free

I cannot escape although I try

From this life I am living and do not know why

How did I get caught up with all of these things

This bird will never fly with clipped wings

I want to get away from all of this confusion

Everything I thought I knew was only an illusion

Nothing about any of this seems fair

I just cannot believe I fell into this snare

None of the reasons I am here make sense

I run and I run but face an unending fence

Finally I lose my breath and fall to the ground

Curl up in a ball and wait to be found

This poem speaks to the very depths of my soul.  Everyday I feel like I'm trapped inside a nightmare and every day I never wake up from it.  This nightmare is my reality now and I can't seem to find the strength to accept it.  I am stuck on what I had in my past and any mistakes I made because I can't rewrite them but I still pray to something that they could be rewritten or undone.  But every morning I wake up to the past of regrets and mistakes and I carry them around with me all day, weighing me down.  I have many regrets.  Someone once said that "mistakes are sometimes the best memories" and Jonathan Larson said, "Forget regret, or life is yours to miss."  But again, I don't know how to let go of my mistakes and not live with regrets.  I feel like I define my life with them.  Alaina Coyle says pain is an iron cage and that is most certainly true for me but my mistakes and my regrets also live with me in that iron cage so it's very cramped in there.  I fight and fight to find a way out but I'm locked inside until I can let it all go.  So everyday, as she wraps up the poem in the same way, I curl up in a ball and wait to be found.