I am so tired of the routine of my daily life in regards to my injury. Every morning I have to wake up at 6:30am so my mother can get my wounds dressed, which requires polysporin, xeroform, kerlix and as of now, my soft collar, before she has to go to work. She also has to help dress me, have breakfast, and give me my medications. That is just my early morning.
Three days a week I have to go to physical therapy up at Grande Ronde Hospital for an hour. This physical therapy is hard, tiring and sometimes painful. I also go to see a therapist once a week for my mental and emotional therapy to help me deal with, well, my life as i know it now and the accident.
Then, in the evening my mother has to help me shower which includes washing my hair and helping wash me with a medicated soap. After the shower I have to be creamed with a heavy cream everywhere I'm burned, which is almost everywhere. And then of course there comes the dressing of my wounds and getting me dressed as the same in the morning. But before I get my wounds dressed and get dressed myself, my mother has to do scar tissue massage on my new neck to help keep scar bands from coming back. This takes another good 15 minutes.
I go through this every morning and every night and then the physical and mental therapy on top of it. I am so tired of it. There are times when I am so angry and annoyed when we are going through the routine either morning or night or both and my mom thinks I'm angry with her and gets upset thinking that I don't appreciate what she goes through everyday to take care of me. And that's not it at all. I'm angry and upset and annoyed that I have to do this everyday and I don't know for how long. How long will I have to have help in the shower? How long will I have to help being creamed and dressed?
So how do I deal with it? I've been working with my wonderful therapist on this weekly and I just can't seem to get past the anger, depression and anxiety I have since the accident. I am so angry at what happened to me and don't understand why it did. It has resulted in this kind of life I have to live everyday which has done incredible damage to my daily psyche state, as well as a difficult life for my mother in particular. And that tears me apart that my accident has resulted in a difficult and exhausting life for her. I'm so sorry mother. I'm so sorry and I'm sorry to my whole family for what they have gone through. I'm so sorry.
1 comment:
That is an extremely taxing routine on top of the mental taxation you deal with just from the memory of the accident. Your mother is living this same routine, and I'm sure she is taxed as well. Your mother loves you very much, and when you get frustrated and angry (although not with her), it's probably difficult for her to not internalize that. She is "raising" you all over again, and she probably loves you even more.
You may not think you are as brave as the woman whom you talked about in one of your last entries, but you certainly have it in you to challenge yourself to be.
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