Sunday, October 3, 2010

A Betrayal?

An Anonymous person commented on my post the other day and left this scripture from James for me:

My brothers and sisters, when you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience. Let your patience show itself perfectly in what you do. Then you will be perfect and complete and will have everything you need.

I wanted to share it because I found it a most perfect scripture that I have never heard of! I like it very much because it pertains to me almost perfectly. My troubles are testing my faith, and my patience for that matter. I am in pain again today. I had a pain-free day yesterday but it has returned and it kept me from going to church today and I fear it will keep me from going to a meeting I so desperately need to go to tonight, but I am going to try with all my might to make it to this meeting.

As a follow-up from my last post, I have been thinking a lot about the question, "What now?" I got a Bachelor of Science in Music (vocal performance) but was sooo close to getting ANOTHER Bachelor of Science in Psychology as well but was short a few credits. My mother thinks I should finish up that psychology degree but I don't have the money to do so. But I also want to finish it up so I think I'm going to look into any disability programs or disability financial aid they might offer and see if I can get it for cheaper. With my mother's kind pressure, she has got me to thinking about burn nursing. Since I have been there and AM a burn survivor, she thinks I would make a fabulous burn nurse, and deep down I do too. But a part of me feels like I am betraying my dream of being a performer if I think seriously about doing something else with my life. Because there is nothing I want more than to be a performer on Broadway or on Film. That is my dream. But is it realistic now because of my injury? Because of my scars?

So, what now? Do I at least go for finishing my psychology degree? And do I go for nursing and at least have it for a real career to fall back on in however many years it takes for me to re-enter the world on my own again? That thought scares me half to death. And does it betray my dream? Does it mean that doing those things is the death of my dream?

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3: 5-6)


Anonymous said...

"Holy Awesomeness Batman!"
Do it!!!!! about the education part.

Now, about the "death of a dream" part...

You are So not going to kill your dream. It's your perception on what that acting means to you that must change. Let it change. So you can't envision the same Sarah up on the screen as you used to be. Don't try to do it that way. What does TODAY Sarah look like up on that screen? How do your views today make you a stronger woman and actor? There doesn't have to be a death of a dream...only a perception change. Let your dream be fluid. Let your reality help mold where that dream can go.
Perhaps what your feeling is change. It's change in you, and change (to risk being cliche) is scary. So what? The only thing fear will get you is a big fat "no!" if you don't face it.
Locate what the true fear is and own that shit. Own it like a man owns his beer, or a bear her den. OWN IT!
Then, embrace it. Love you for owning that fear. For facing that fear.
Then look your dream straight on, and OWN THAT TOO!
Then embrace it like you do your fear.
Don't place your dreams in a cage and let your fears run free. Find your balance and love you for your dreams, love you for your fears, love you for your pain, love you for your recovery. Just love you.
You wanna practice your screen skills? Try a video blog. You are so close to overcoming what it holding you back, and if you could simply name what it is that holds you back - not just from acting, but from making change - then you could take the steps necessary to heal and overcome.
Don't place your god in a box either. let your god be a part of your very being, your each and every cell. let the awesomeness of the universe envelop you as you take one step forward.
and remember - you began pursuing your dream once. let your reality mold the tracks for your fluid dreams and changes of perception to glide through. Let it be one hell of a ride.

simplegrl74 said...

An actress or singer amuses the masses, and it's a wonderful thing, but I believe that you are intended for so much more! You are meant to touch lives in a way you had no idea you were capable of. Some times we think we know what we want God to give us and get frustrated when our lives go in a totally different direction. It's not up to us to question His motives or plans, instead we need to trust Him.

I want you to know that I have no doubt that you were a fabulous singer and actress but believe me when I say that I am way more moved by reading your blog and looking at the pictures you so bravely post. While a movie and a song could make me smile, seeing the REAL you rubs a tender spot on my heart.

I believe you when you say it hurts and confuses and frustrates you. But please, don't feel that you are giving up your dream. We have many dreams each night and you are far from finished dreaming yours.