an overview of my life before the fire: NYC

In 2005 I left to go pursue my dream of acting and singing in New York City. I lived with my best friend in a 2 room apt in with three of us girls in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. So, as you're assuming or wondering, two of had to share a room and since jocelyn and i had known each other since middle school and had grown to be best friends, we shared the room. In fact, we were so poor, we shared a bed: a futon bed! good grief. it was fun at first. It was like having a slumber party without parents every night. We were so happy.

Three days after I arrived I got a job at this adorable irish pub where most of the employees were Irish so it made for some fun. I began as a waitress and about 6 months later, they remodeled the place into a brew house and became House of Brews and served of 52 beers from around the world and I became a new bartender. So exciting! Bartender was the job i had originally been wanting. So i learned the trade and became VERY good at it.

But in February of 2006 I left House of Brews to go with a very good (and much older) friend of mine. He had been in things like The Sopranos and Casino and many others. He was fairly well known and had a lot of money. But we were good friends and he looked out for me and wanted to take me with him to LA to go to pilot season over there. Well I had a lot of fun and it was great to go to LA, we hardly got my headshots out to anyone and I didn't get one audition. I felt like it was a waste of my time despite the fact that he paid for everything for me and treated me real nice. Hes a sweetheart and I will always adore him.

However, when i returned 2 weeks later, i made the biggest mistake that i will regret forever. Instead of returning to House of Brews i went hunting for a new job. And i got one down in the heart of Greenwich Village at The Garage. It was a jazz restaurant and bar. It was much more formal which i wasnt so fond of. I liked the good old irish pub where you didn't have to wear uniforms like at The Garage.

Also another life changing event that happened at the beginning of the year was I left my cozy and safe nest in Williamsburg to go live somewhere else where i didn't have to share a bed. I finally found a place in Long Island City (not long island) where it was only 10 minutes away from the HEART of the city so that was great. Another great thing was it was like a big warehouse building so it was very open and there were 3 bedroom on the main floor, a bedroom in the basement and our landlord had his own apt on the top level, the 2nd level. And there was a rooftop access! So you could go up there and see the beautiful manhatten skyline from just barely across the East River. It was perfect.

Unfortunately that fall i got very sick with thryoid problems and had to leave in a hurry so i had to pack up all my things, put them in the basement and take only a few things with me. Luckily all went ok with my thryoid (they foundn 2 cysts but they were benign) and i returned to New York only to have to search for another apt. This time I went to my manager's apt ( i acquired a manager in 2006 when he discovered me at the New York Independent Film Festival). He was like a dad to me so he took care of me. We had a good time.

During that time, i had many auditions, did several small independents and did a few pilots (that never took off). I finally got a decent part in a movie called Retribution, which my manager directed but i did audition for this part long before i met him. I was the main leading lady. I was pumped cause this was really happening and it was REALLY ACTUALLY going to the New York Independent Film Festival where people would come to watch it at a movie theater! It was fantastic. That night was magical. My parents came up for it and i was so happy to share it with them and for them to see some real work!

During my time in New York I lived in three different places ( i was kinda a gypsy :) ), did several acting gigs, got myself an agent and a manager, had SEVERAL friends come visit which always made for EXTREME AND WILD fun as well as family.

Then it was in March of 2008 I came home for a visit cause i just needed one. i was going through a rough patch and that's when my accident happened. A mere week after i got home. And you know what happened with that as I explained in my first blog.

My life has turned around dramatically for the worse i always feel like. And i'm trying to turn it around for the better but it's been a tough long road and i still have a ways to go yet. Doctors say a burn is the most devastating injury as it takes years and years and many surgeries to recover from it. Well it's true. I am on my 2nd year and according to one of my doctors i have about 2 more years. Life is hard but all i want to do is get back to New York. I mourn the life i used to live.

But since being home i have become good friends with my pastor and his wife, Clay and Jen Andrew and they have provided a good, safe and very fun environment for me to hang out and I have a blast with them. I truly feel as though they love me for me and look past my scars and for that I truly love them. Thanks guys. And for those friends out there who i have known for awhile and are still here for me i thank you as well and i love you all for the same reason. I just can't wait till this is all over and i can get my life back and see all of you again (since i'm hiding out because of my scars.) But once again, a dear thanks to Clay and Jen, as well as Sam and Jamie Jacobson, my best friend Jocelyn Berado, Emily Nash Gray, Becca Mielke, Michael Koopman, and Carol Campbell whom i have allowed to see me, for not making me feel like a freak with my scars; for hanging out with me and making me feel wanted and loved.