Now I don't know if this Harry Crews ever saw a burn survivor but our scars are somewhat different than other types of scars. Our skin has been burned by fire, electricity, chemicals, or scalding liquids and it is often over a sizable area of our body. My skin was all burned to the 3rd degree by fire which means it burned through all the layers of my skin down to the fatty tissue and the bone. Now I was lucky in the fact that I wasn't burned to the fourth degree which almost always requires amputation. But nonetheless, I was a 3rd degree burn survivor and I only consider myself lucky in the fact that I survived.
I don't see my scars as sexy or beautiful as some people say scars are. Those kind of scars, the "sexy" and "beautiful" scars come from knife blades, letter openers, scissors and even paper cuts. Then there is of course the scars we cannot see: emotional scars, which I don't think can ever be sexy or beautiful.
But let's get to what I have a hard time with. He says, "A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with." I completely disagree with that. And I'll tell you why. BECAUSE I HAVE SCARS ALL OVER MY BODY (not to mention the emotional scars) AND THOUGH THEY ARE CLOSED AND HEALED I AM MOST CERTAINLY NOT DONE WITH THE HURT OF IT!!! Just because a scar may be closed and healed does not mean it's over for the person who wears the scar. Everyday those scars hurt me. My scars have disfigured me, made people stare at me. My scars have limited my mobility and taken away my independence. Because of my scars I have to ask for help to get down a glass or dish from the cupboard because my "beautiful" scars prevent me from raising my arms high enough not to mention those "beautiful" scars also prevent me from being able to eat a sandwich or burger because the scar tissue around my mouth is so tight I am only able to open my mouth so far.
So, can you tell I don't really agree with Harry Crews? Can you tell it kinda pisses me off? I will say that I guess I do agree with him that all scars are beautiful. It's just the part where he speaks of the hurt being over that I do not agree with and I back that up with first hand experience. But I only speak for myself.
5 comments:
I think the quote is meant to help those with scars have permission to let go of the hurt. Holding on to pain only keeps one imprisoned. Shifting perspective, such as, I am so grateful I can open my mouth to eat, I believe, can truly set you free and is such a blessing. Love to you on your healing journey <3
We could both write a letter to him and set him straight. I'm in if you are.
I haven't read any of his work but just looked at a bio. He suffered a burn himself. He also had several tragic incidents in his life relevant to what you were posting yesterday re: blame. Looks like he may have some redeeming qualities.
To Anonymous:
yeah I have read a bio of his and understand he suffered a burn by being submerged in boiling water. And like I said, his quote is beautiful and inspiring to those who have scars but I just don't see my particular scars the way he does. Even though they are healed and closed, they still hurt me.
Hi SB, yes of course. I didn't at all mean to negate the impact his words had on you, not at all.
Sarah,
I can see how this man's words frustrated you, but I do think there's usefulness in them.
I think he's really just trying to say that scars are proof that the cause of the hurt-in your case, the actual fire-is done, and the initial risk of more damage is over. Healing is able to begin. It's something to be thankful for, something to hold on to, while facing that long, lonely road to getting well. When one feels out of control in their healing, they can say: "I'm not still on fire, at least I have that."
Someday, many years from now, when you've healed more, and built a life that makes you happy, and this pain and anger has fallen behind you...when you're not still up to *here* with just trying to make it through each day...someday you'll look in the mirror and remember, and you'll think the scars-physical and emotional-do have beauty to them.
I must say-Clay and the others are right about the blame quote. It is about taking responsibility when you make a mistake, is all. It simply does not apply to your accident.
And the "I am not my body" lady....she should have finished with "but my body is me." Your body does not define you, sarah. It does keep a record of what you've endured. In the long run, remembering that will be more important than forgetting it.
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